Dear J

18...

Dear J,
I know I said the last letter was the final one, but guess what? here I am again because I still have a lot to say and I can't seem to get you off my mind.

So the guy I was dating, we're no longer together because I had to come clean about my feelings I couldn't lie to him the same way you lied to me, because I know how much it hurts. I liked and like him a lot but I don't love him and I don't know how long it's going to take to forget you or even if I ever will.
because,
The more I want to forget, the more I seem to remember
The more I want to hate, the more I seem to love
The more I smile, the more I cry
all because of you

You see before I met you I wasn't super outgoing or anything of that nature, but I was alive, I smiled genuinely, I laughed with all my heart, but most of all I was happy.

Then I met you and I was on cloud nine and I was happy with you even though we had problems I was happy to be with you because you meant so much to me.

Then you left me and now I'm broken, I smile to hide the pain, I laugh to mask the tears.

I don't know why I still feel what I do because fuck you fucked me up really bad. And I should hate you with all my might but the more I try the less it works.

I cried again today because I thought about you while reading a book but I think I also cried because I hurt the boy who wouldn't have thought of hurting me ever.

You're happy but I'm sad.
You smile but I cry.

Thinking about you always,