OPTIONS pt. 1

OPTIONS

I could do it..
Yeah
I could try...
I'm handsome And young
Maybe it'll make me happy..maybe i can just have fun for one night...nights where always calm to me
Because The night isn't what I'm worried about.
It's the morning after.
Her smile..her hope.
That I'm different
Only to tell her to hop off.
Everything she experienced about guys where just proving each other right over and over and someone who really wants her can't even get her because I made her close the door with no hinges and metal so no one can kick it down. They'll just break their foot doing it.

I can't do that..not to her.
Not to him.

So What are my other options?...

Shall I chug my depression away
Shall I puff my thought bubbles
I have friends who do...
growing up I've always been a people person
I have people who like me
I'm smart...I know how to read people like a book
I know their story front and back like I wrote the thing. Each person I see in this neighborhood is a novel I made or threw away
Some I love
Some I cringe at
Some I hate
Some I think are decent but could use work
And some are just..sad..

But their all mine and I know the ending I can change it.

That being said I'm pretty sure I can crack a few jokes with a guy in front of 7/11 and convince him to buy a beer for me.

I never needed acting classes I was a natural manipulative person. One time I almost got in trouble for kneeing my cousin in the crouch. We sat in the Vince principle's room and I was minute away from judgment. Couldn't afford to deal with that noise so I told him a whole bunch of baloney about how much I love him and I cried. It was such a confidence I had almost a talent to lie and paint a mask that feels like it's actually my skin. And so he felt bad for me and told the women it was an accident.

Boom Scott free
Another one bites the dust
Treated him like garbage after just like I always did.

I'm not afraid to ask just for this night
I'm afraid of the night after
My reputation
A bad habit starts with a-little void
I'll be known as the stressed kid who comes to his dealer for a good drink a good dose...next thing you know I can't survive a night without it.
And so I'll be 45 asking the same guy could he give me $5 because I just don't have it on me and I'll say "come on Johnyyy! It'll be just like the good old days"

...so no.

I wrote the book to all the questions in the world..but for the world. Not for me.
  it was easier to make solutions for others.
Because it's easier when it's not the end of the world for you. It's easier to sit on the sidelines and judge a basketball game
Than actually playing it.