philophobia | namsoo

ii

"Is this even allowed?" I asked Jisoo, worried that we might get in trouble.

"Of course it isn't, but I come here often and no one found me yet."

We watched the people passing by from the rooftop of our high school.

"Plus, it was open. They should lock it." She smiled and lighted up a cigarette I gave her.

"You have to get caught in order to stop coming here? Who are you and what did you do to Kim Jisoo?"

"I guess, I can pass by as the goody two shoes. But it's better. That means I have more chances of not being punished."

I didn't say anything. I didn't want to say she was right. Even if what she said was true, it was dangerous.

"You come here very often?"

"Yeah."

"Do you skip school often?"

"No."

"It does seem like it."

"It seems, but I don't."

She lied down and I wondered, if it wasn't uncomfortable for her. I would have offered my backpack but then remembered she could have used her backpack, instead of mine.

"You may think I'm crazy, but sleeping here seems peaceful."

"Yes, I think you are crazy! This seems very uncomfortable."

I lied down, with my head placed on my backpack. I looked at the blue sky, that got darker and darker, as the sunset wasn't far away.

"But it is beautiful."

"You girls always like things like this." I said.

"What do you really know about girls?" She asked, while staring at me.

"Nothing. Girls are like a closed book to me. You can see only the cover. They can have a beautiful or ugly cover, but there are chances you will never get to know their real version. They let you see what they want. And what they want you to see is not how they truly are..."

"Yah! Namjoon, do you say I am fake?" She asked me, catching me off guard.

Maybe. Today I might have and yesterday I might have catched a glimpse of how she truly is. Care free, maybe a little rebel. Not the goody two shoes she pretends she is.

"I am just saying, I didn't get to know the real you. Japanese people say we have three faces. The first you show to the world. The second you show to your family and close friends. The third you don't show to anyone. So, which face are you really wearing when you are with me?"

This time, I catched Jisoo off guard. She didn't reply, just looked at the sky and probably thinked of an answer.

"I... I think no one besides Jennie, Chaeyoung and Lalisa get to see my second and third face."

I was a little disappointed that I got the third face. But why was I feeling like that? We weren't even that close.

"Are you disappointed?"

I laughed. "No way."

"Then why..." She stopped and rolled on her tummy, coming closer to me. "Why did you stop smiling?"

"Am I not allowed to smile?"

"Nah. But you smiled until I replied." She smirked.

To me girls were and are closed books, while guys can be open books, if you are careful enough. That scared me a lot.

She probably realised how I felt, but didn't continue to mention it, probably not wanting to make me feel uncomfortable.

But I didn't, and that was scaring me the most in that situation.