Three More Months

85 Days (Part 2)

I take in an overly long deep breath and release. Sweat is sliding down my face and my hands are shaking. I have to do this. Before I can convince myself otherwise I say,"Heyy!"

"Lydia?" Ethan asks suspiciously. I rake my sweaty palms over my pants and scold myself. Why should I make him deal with this? It isn't his burden to bear. Silently I argue with myself and completely forget he's on the other end.

"Lydia?" He asks once again. Feeling like a jerk I quickly say,"Yeah it's me!" Mentally I slap myself, wishing I could back out of this. Maybe I can just make up an excuse like I wanted to hear his voice, or I want to go to a movie, or maybe I want to invite him to dinner.

"Oh great! I was just about to call you," His voice dies down slightly waiting to hear what I have to say. Having forgotten about all of my earlier predispositions I giggle.

"Really? What about?" My voice catches just a slight bit, causing me to sound like I'm near tears. Angrily I wipe my dry eyes and wait for his response.

"Oh... You know... I was wondering if you'd like to hang out with me--- now?" I let out a shriek and start happy dancing around the parking lot.

Ethan lets out a long throaty laugh. I stop when I realize that means he's giving me the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth. I could just be honest and stop living a lie. I clap my hands together, for a few seconds before regaining my cool. After a few more seconds I'm able to regain my calm demeanor and answer.

"I'd like that.... Meet me at the second street park?" I randomly name a neutral place from my childhood. That was the park where I first learned how to cross the monkey bars. It was also those same monkey bars that I fractured my wrist and broke my elbow. I ended up getting near seventeen stitches and two pins after they surgically put the bones back in place.

I grin idiotically clicking my phone shut. My car is at the back of my mind as I start walking, not a care in the world. Happy ----- that's the only way you could describe this feeling. An uncontrollable bliss. Everything was finally falling into place. There was no longer going to be this heavy weight crushing me.

I start counting the cracks in the sidewalk as I speed walk to the park which is a little over two miles away. Giving in to myself, I start running. Slowly at first, but quickly building momentum and eventually reaching the point where I'm sprinting. I look like a mad woman running like her life depends on it. I don't care at all. It doesn't matter what other people think of me. The faster my legs move, the faster they'll carry me to Ethan and that's all that really matters.

I curse under my breath as the sidewalks comes up from under my feet and decides to hit me in the face with a sickening thwack. I lie there hoping and praying I can just melt and disappear into the sidewalk. The sting of the scrapes reaches my brain and I cry out in pain. "Slowly stand up, brush the dirt off of your jeans," I chide myself. A homeless man stares at me slack-jawed for a millisecond before rushing to my aid. A pink blush covers my face and I look away towards the cowardly cement.

"Are you alright miss?" Asks the kind older gentleman.

"Just peachy," I respond rudely. I shudder and pinch the inside of my hand, hard. This is something that I do often, as a reminder. The elderly man looks down at his worn down shoes. He glances up at me from under his cap. I shrink away for a moment before extending my hand.

"I'm Lydia," I attempt to appear a little cheerier than the first time. He stares at my hand in disdain for a moment before grasping it firmly.

"My name is," He licks his lips and coughs, nearly hacking up a lung.

"John," he starts hacking again, I watch him curiously, slowly backing away. When he doesn't stop coughing I begin to panic. If he's dying or something I'm not sure if I'm willing to give him CPR or not. I stand there completely paralyzed with fear when a certain young man comes to my rescue.