imessage | hyunsung

40 ' END

when hyunjin was on his way to the naksan park, which was a few miles away, he thought about everything he could tell his boyfriend.
"boyfriend," hyunjin laughed out loud.
he never thought that he'd say that word because a couple months ago, he was against homosexual people.

after 20 minutes, he arrived at the park and was looking for jisung.
hyunjin saw him sitting on a bank that was near a cliff and it had a great view of the city. he silently sat down next to jisung.
they were quiet .. and they stayed quiet for about five minutes until hyunjin was ready to talk.

"so," he began.
"i really love you and i hate it when you tell me that i can't love you, when i can't even love myself. but thats not true, even if i don't love myself, i do love you and your quote can't tell me otherwise. what i don't even understand is that you're the suicidal one AND i KNOW that you don't love yourself, so why're you acting like a hypocrite? i know that you'll be mad now but it has been eating me too much lately." as he spoke, he began to cry.

jisung didn't say anything but hyunjin saw tears falling down.
"h-hyunjin," jisung directly looked into his eyes.
"in these two months with you, i never told you anything. how my parents died or-" he was stopping himself from speaking.
"or what?" hyunjin asked.
"or how i tried to kill myself..." jisung whispered.

hyunjin's heart stopped beating for a second. his boyfriend tried to take his own life before and he never told him.
"when i was 15 years old my parents left me home alone for the first time. yes, pretty late but they were just very concerning and thought that i couldn't handle it all alone. well, they went out and after three hours, they didn't come home, so i called them. of course, they didn't pick up, thats why i waited. but a few minutes after the call, another person called me. it was the police and they told me that they had a car accident and that both of them were dead," he sobbed for a while.
"and after a year, i found out that they were actually about to leave town, on their way to incheon." hyunjin was caressing him.

"i'm so sorry jisungie, you didn't deserve this. not at all." hyunjin sobbed along with him. he felt so sorry for jisung.

"maybe you're right. maybe we should break up as long as we don't love ourselves. maybe that's the right way." jisung distanced himself and looked into his eyes.
if you could hear broken hearts, you would've definitely heard hyunjin's heart.

"j-jisung please, no. i love you, i love you, don't do this to me," hyunjin begged and cried a lot more than before.
"jinie, i have to do this. WE have to do this. how are we supposed to make us each other happy? we cant be happy if we have to make the other person happy that he loves more than himself. this isn't good for us. i'm doing this for US." hyunjin couldn't stop crying and shook his head.
"jisung, please," he constantly kissed jisung's back of the hand.

"i'm so sorry, i love you hwang hyunjin, and i won't ever stop loving you." jisung cupped hyunjin's face and kissed him softly on his lips.

after their first last kiss, he stood up and left the heartbroken hyunjin in the darkness.