Ineffable

Part title

1

The first time it happens is in France. Crowley comes and rescues him, like he's some damsel in distress, and Aziraphale, who has always been perfectly capable of taking care of himself thank you very much, suddenly wants nothing more than to put himself in the way of danger again and again if it means Crowley will come and save him.

And it's not as if this is the first time he's wanted to kiss Crowley. He's wanted to do that for ages, but this time the urge is stronger. The very fact Crowley is there for him makes Aziraphale's stomach do flips and he wants to give in and play the role of the distressed damsel, let Crowley be his knight in shining armor, and ride off into the sunset with him just like in every fairytale he's ever heard.

But he doesn't, and they leave, and the deep need to kiss Crowley doesn't go away.

2

The second time Aziraphale almost loses his control and kisses Crowley is during World War Two.

Crowley saved the books. Saved the books for him. And Aziraphale knows that the look on his face clearly reads "infatuation", but he can't bring himself to care.

Again that strong urge is telling him to chase after Crowley, turn him around so they're face to face, and kiss the living daylights out of him.

All he can do is clutch the bag of books to his chest, heart pounding, a heart that only belongs to, has only ever belonged to, Crowley.

Again he doesn't kiss him, and again the aching want to grows stronger.

3

The third time, Aziraphale is terrified.

He's sitting in Crowley's car, handing over a thermos of holy water, certain that the demon plans on using it to kill himself.

The thought alone makes his gut drop. He doesn't know what he'd do without Crowley.

What he wants to do is press Crowley for the exact reason why he needs the holy water so badly. What he wants to do is tell Crowley that if he plans on offing himself, Aziraphale will be right behind him.

What he wants to do is kiss him.

Kiss him and beg him to stay safe, stay alive.

Stay with me, he wants to say, because he has never felt love like this before, for anything or anyone.

Instead he says something else, and leaves the car, and tries not to cry.

4

The fourth time, the end of the world is near.

They're trying to find the antichrist, the real one, and Aziraphale maybe not so accidentally tells Crowley he's nice.

Because he is nice. He's nice and so, so much more.

He's nice, and beautiful, and funny and unique and the love of Aziraphale's possibly infinite life.

He says it, and the next thing he knows he's shoved up against the wall, and Crowley is right there.

He could do it. He could just lean in, close the gap between them, it's so small, they're so close.

And he might as well, right? The world is going to end soon, so why not just give in and kiss Crowley? It's the one thing he's wanted to do more than anything for the past six thousand years.

He decides to do it, is about to do it, when a woman rounds the corner and interrupts them, and the moment is gone.

Aziraphale wants to scream.

5

The fifth time, they're running out of time.

The end of the world is practically on the doorstep, and Crowley is there and begging Aziraphale to run away to the stars with him.

And oh, Aziraphale wants to. Wants to more than anything. Nothing has ever sounded so perfect.

It would be so easy to, too. It's one simple word, yes, and then it would be just him and Crowley. They could leave it all behind and it would just be them, and oh fuck does Aziraphale want to.

The word yes is on his lips and he can picture himself saying it and then going to Crowley and finally, finally, finally kissing him, but when he opens his mouth that's not what comes out and the hurt look on Crowley's face before he gets in his Bentley and drives away makes Aziraphale feel like he's dying.

He didn't say yes, and he hates himself for it.

Finally

The world is saved.

The world is not ending, and relief floods through Aziraphale.

Beside him, Crowley is grinning, obviously just as happy about the result as Aziraphale is, and he turns to grin at the angel and then—-

Then he's holding Aziraphale in his arms and dipping him low and........

And kissing him.

Crowley is kissing him.

Fireworks doesn't even begin to describe it.

Aziraphale has never, never felt this happy before. His heart is singing and he feels dizzy and he never wants this to end.

This is how he wants to spend the rest of eternity, just this, kissing Crowley until the world really does end.

Crowley pulls away, face red as he realizes what he's just done, but before he can say anything, before their faces have really even pulled away, Aziraphale is yanking Crowley back into the kiss, one hand flying to his hair and the other fisting desperately in the black cloth of Crowley's shirt.

And Crowley kisses back, kisses back passionately , one hand on Aziraphale's back and the other cradling the back of his head, and gently pushes Aziraphale's mouth open to French him and Aziraphale moans at the feeling of Crowley's forked snake tongue entwining with his own and he has never felt better ever in his life and it's so much, it's so, so much.

The kiss ends, eventually, and Aziraphale knows he has the goofyest, most lovestruck smile on his face.

Crowley looks at him. His sunglasses are off and Aziraphale can see his beautiful, brilliantly gold eyes.

"Angel, are you telling me," he pants, out of breath from the kiss, "We could have been doing that for years?"

Aziraphale laughs, and kisses him again, and decides that as far as apocalypses go, this one was the best.