so tell me why my gods look like you

drive

chapter 2: drive
song of the chapter: drive by halsey

Steve jolted awake as his nightmare became too intense for him to handle. His heart was pounding as he climbed from the bed and shoved his shoes on his feet. The house was quiet as he crept down the stairs and to grab the keys from the counter. Looking around to make sure no one can see him, he slips into the night. These drives had become his reason to keep going with life, although it was very tempting to keep himself locked away in his room.

The heels of his shoes made muffled clicks as he sauntered to his dad's car. He takes a deep breath and gently opens the door, making as little noise as possible. Thankfully the engine was quieter than most, which helped him ease out of the driveway. Steve began to drive down the lonely road and he only realized it was three in the morning. A sigh escaped his lips as he began his usual route through the neighborhoods of Hawkins. He saved one for last, and that was Billy's house. Unless he was missing Will more than usual and he crept up to the old home.

Passing by the houses made him yearn for something he can't remember having, although he knows he did at one point. The sense of safety of this small town nestled in the middle of nowhere. His heart ached as he imagined the old him, the one only concerned with high school and girls. A snort escaped his lips because now he can't even imagine being so focused on girls or the hell that is high school. The space in his memories was taken by the night of Star Court, where a piece of him died, and he's lost. These people had no idea of what was really lurking through their realm and how fragile they really are. The innocence that they had thought they'd lost was only a layer of the universe's complexities. He understood that now.

What Steve longed for the most was to give the kids back their childhood. Give them back the mindset that they are safe and sound, but that's impossible. He just hopes that they learn to handle themselves better than him. A boy who steals his dad's car every night, trying to flee from his own mind, and never sleeping from outright fear. This caused him to look in the mirror and huff at the bags under his eyes. They were so dark and ghastly standing out from his fair skin. Steve didn't like going outside much anymore because that meant energy he no longer had.

He takes a turn and passes by Mike's house, which lead him to Lucas' in the next mile, and Dustin's in the next two miles. A soft smile graced his lips because he was proud to call them friends, some of the bravest people he had ever met. He will ever meet. Shaking his head, he wonders how he was so lucky. The road by Dustin's house was a tad more worn and he could feel it as he hit a pot hole. He wasn't phased by that much anymore, but what was on the street past Dustin's could do it. Steve spared a glance at Dustin's house, kissing his pointer and middle fingers and pressed them to the glass. It was a ritual he had formed to send some kind of his love to them, even though he only knew of it. The stop sign came quickly, and he slowed to its direction. A half mile down the road was the Hargroves house and tucked in the top floor was Billy.

Exasperation fills Steve's tired sigh as he thinks of Billy Hargrove, the most confusing person he'd ever met. The boy with painful, engulfing blue eyes. Whenever Steve found himself with a bit of luck on his side, he would gaze into them. Almost feeling as he could get lost by the shards of crystals that were somehow placed in Billy's eyes. His blood sings at the thought of having that intimacy with the younger boy. Thinking of anything beyond that seemed almost inappropriate to the doe-eyed kid driving with tired eyes. Knowing what he wanted from Billy seemed to be distancing itself from a child-like crush. Steve craved something real in his strange relationship with the former lifeguard.

Coming into view was Billy's stark, white house, being illuminated from a street light two house from his. It gave it an almost hauntingly still expression. As Steve inched his car through the vacant neighborhood and closer to Billy's house. He wouldn't admit it to a soul, but he took a more slower approach to the blonde boy's house. Cherishing it as someone kind of distance closed between them, if only physical. It ate him alive never knowing where Billy stood with any of this. This pain and trauma and confusion. He feels like the dust will never settle and hopes the beautiful boy doesn't. Steve knew, deep inside his heart, that Billy was suffering similarly.