Blue Spots (Delena/Semi Fantasy/Fanficion)

Part 10 - "I'm going home"

Demi's POV

My mind had begun playing tricks with me, the moment we stepped into our cabin. It's as if she were still alive. As if she could walk past me to climb onto her bunker at any moment. Her voice was still laughing in my head. Grinning and talking. Speaking vague words, too vague to understand. She was only 12. She was way too young. She was the only family I had left. She was everything I had. The tears streamed down my cheeks like waterfalls when I saw the 2-year-old girl right in front of me, sleeping in my arms as I walked miles and miles on end to find a safe place to stay the night. Worrying about her safety, always worrying about her safety. I was only 9. I had failed, after so many years of trying. I had failed...

"Demi?" Selena placed a hand on my cheek, as it seemed to be the only way to shake me out of my thoughts. "Hmm?" I looked up at her with my puffy eyes. "They're burying her tomorrow. There will be a small ceremony. Commander Kingston will be there too." She spoke, knowing the words the woman had said on our way to the cabin hadn't come through to me in the slightest. "Hmm." I looked back at where I was staring at, as my feet dragged me to my bed, sitting down. Selena sat down next to me. "You should talk about how you feel." She said. Her voice was like an echo, blending with Eleanor's laughter. "Maybe you're still in shock. It'll help if you talk." She tried again, guiding me to the wall so I could rest my back on it. I nodded with a frown. "I don't know what to say.." My voice was hoarser than I thought, hoarse from screaming. Another tear slid down my cheek. They had become red and irritated, just like my eyes. I hated crying. I didn't remember the last time I did cry. I sniffed, looking down at my fingers.

"I can hear her in my head.." I said, pointing at my temple. "Wh-what is she saying?" Selena looked a bit concerned at me now. "No, not like that.. It's just.. She keeps grinning and laughing. Maybe I'm trying to forget that she's gone." I said. The tears kept coming, there was no end to it. "I see.. Maybe it helps if you realize that you'll have to move on eventually. For now, you can cry all you want, but you will live on." She said, trying to help me. I nodded. "I could've stopped her.." I said. "No.. No, sweetie, you have done way too much already. You've given your entire life for the safety and freedom of that child while living in a dangerous world. You can't blame yourself. She's probably so, so thankful for giving her a life. Without you, she would've been dead 10 years ago." "She's dead..." I repeated how her words were translated in my head. Things kept translating in my head weirdly. Her face was stuck in my head. The moment I spoke the two words, I could see the bullet nestled into her brain. The blood gushing out. As a record, it kept playing, how the force of the bullet made her fly to her left. More blood was spilled. How the blood tickled every inch of the asphalt, creeping further and further away from its owner. As if her soul creeped out with it. How her skull malformed, how I saw her flesh...

My body shot up, running towards the garbage bin, standing only a foot away from my bed, near the desk. Everything I ate before the mission came out. My mind had such a hard time processing the cruel things I saw, that it made me throw up. Even as soon as everything was out, I still gagged, as if my body wanted to get rid of my entire stomach. The pressure hurt my head. "Oh god.." Selena said, kneeling down next to me to hold back my hair. She carefully rubbed my back, for as far as her wounded arm allowed her to. I didn't like it. "Fuck off." I snarled in between my gagging. "Stop pitying me." "Demi, you just lost your sister." She tried reminding me why pitying me wasn't the weirdest thing to do, but her words hurt me. 

"I said fuck off." I quickly got back on my feet but was greeted by immense dizziness taking over my sight. My head bonked like a madman. Lea's grinning slowed down for a moment, so did the blood gushing out of her head. Luckily I was able to pick things back up, realizing Selena had caught me before I got the chance to faint. She hissed due to the pain in her arm. "Wow there." She let me lean on to her and felt my forehead. "You're getting sick." "I'm not." I frowned, letting her walk me to bed. I carefully laid down, feeling a great relieve of stress and pressure once I placed my head on my pillow. She sat down at the edge, tucking me in. I sighed, trying to ignore the fact that I felt burning hot, but at the same time, I shivered due to the cold. "I'm not sick." I repeated out loud, trying to keep myself convinced. Lea's laugh would be forever stuck in my mind, I assumed. Her voice with someone else's. And another. A man and a woman. "Demi.. Demi.." They all called my name. They all watched over me as I fell asleep.