Concrete Rose. ✓

17

Beyoncé Knowles

"So I'm almost four months?" I asked my personal doctor, Dr. Adams.

"Yes, very close." She said.

I've only had two ultrasound appointments so far and both of them have been full of emotions and some many different feelings. The first appointment there was no heartbeat, but I wasn't far along for it to be detected, but today I get to hear it now that I am. I'm excited, nervous, anxious and every other emotion there is.

"Baby is growing fine. You seem to be fine and under much less stress than you were last time by looking at your stress levels." She said.

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Okay. Let's see if we can hear the heartbeat." She said pressing a button on the monitor.

The heartbeat was beautiful and loud. That was the very moment that I knew this is definitely what I wanted to be: a mother. Anybody else who has a problem with that, I can do without. It took me a minute to realize I was crying along with my Mom and Lauren.

"The heartbeat is perfect." She said writing down some notes.

I wiped my eyes, then pulled out my phone to take a couple pictures and record. Lauren did the same thing. Of course neither of us were posting anything, but we had to cherish the memories.

After the appointment, I received the pictures, my next appointment and more prenatal pills. We were escorted out the back and into the back of the truck. Phil, our personal driver, headed off.

"Where to?"

"Back to my house." Mama said.

Lately, I haven't been stressing about who's going to support me, who's going to be there for me, who's gonna be there for the baby and so on. My focus has been on not stressing to keep my baby safe. I've moved in with my Mom ever since the night Dad found out. He hasn't talked to me since. I know it's gonna take some time to get used to, but everything happens for a reason.

"Bey, Lauren, I was going to cook, but I have to run a couple errands for Richard so feel free to cook or go get you both something." Mama asked grabbing her purse.

Lauren and I were sitting on the sofa making small conversation.

"Okay, bye."

She left.

"So how you feeling?" Lauren asked me.

"I'm okay. Just hope everything goes well with the pregnancy. I'm not really focused on anything else. Not worried about ignorant people, basketball or anything else that going to stress me out and make me feel unwanted or unhappy."

"I feel you sis. Good energy at all times."

"Period." I agreed. "I'm so happy we got hear the heartbeat. I'm all sudden excited for some reason."

"You should be. Pregnancy shouldn't be a scary journey. You gotta embrace it and live your best life. Buy cute clothes, go on vacations, eat good food. Just live your life babe. You got it all."

I nodded, looking at the pictures.

"Is it bad I wanna send these to Shawn?"

"Uh...no, I don't think so."

I sighed.

"What?" She asked.

I looked in her eyes, "Why do I feel like Shawn wants to be here for this baby but is too scared he's not gonna be a good father?"

She only nodded, "Bey, that's all it is. He needs to mature himself and that's not gonna happen unless he's here for this baby. But I've personally done all I can to make him try to care. He's not budging. He's too busy with that little girl that's barely legal."