SuperFamily oneshots for when you want to ignore the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Camping Trip

Steve," Tony whispered to his husband. "Why are we doing this?"
   
"Because it'll be good for the kid," he replied. He held his hands out to the campfire.
   
"I hate this. There's too many bugs." Tony said as he slapped a mosquito. "We could have at least gotten a camper."
   
"It's more rustic this way. It builds character."
   
"Dads look, I found a spider!" Peter said as he jogged up to the two men. He held out his hands to reveal a huge wolf spider. "I'm gonna name him Thomas." He grinned. Steve swallowed hard.
   
"Aren't those things super poisonous?" Steve said, his voice was nervous.
   
"I've been bitten before it's not too bad." Peter smiled.
   
"Okay, kid, it's probably best to leave wild animals in their natural habitat," Tony said. "Go put Thomas back."  Peter frowned, but he turned to bring the spider back to it's home.

"Well, we know how he got his name." Steve chuckled.

"No kidding."

A few moments later, Peter returned. He sat down by the campfire and poked at it with a stick.

"What's up, kid?" Tony asked.

"God has forsaken us."

"Hey, what?"

"Peter, what's wrong?" Steve frowned.

"The Lord has failed me."

"Peter, what are you talking about?" Tony put a hand on Peter's shoulder.

"There's too many heckin' mosquitos." Peter scrunched up his face and scratched his arm vigorously.

"Oh my God." Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. He picked up a can of bug spray and sprayed it at Peter. Peter started shrieking.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! ASSAULT! ASSAULT!" He fell backward off bench he was sitting on. "OH IT BURNS! OH I'M GONNA DIE!" He groaned loudly.

"Peter! Are you okay?" Steve rushed to Peter and kneeled next to him.

"FATHER HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! OH GOD! AVENGE ME!"

"Peter, stop yelling, this is a pretty busy campground. Someone is going to call the police." Tony frowned.

"Oh my head. Falling off the bench was a bad decision." Peter mumbled.

"Kid, are you being dramatic or are you actually in pain." Tony looked at Peter, who was clutching both his arm and his head.

"Well, my head really does hurt."

"Jesus kid. Who raised you?" Tony frowned.

"Tony, we did," Steve said.

"Who the Hell let that happen!"

"Um, us?"

"Fuck!"
   
"Language! The kid's listening."

"I'm 16! I learned how to swear like every other kid. From Uncle Clint and Aunt Nat," Peter said.

"See Steve, it's fine."

"Yeah, it's fucking fine" Peter repeated.

"I'm going to have a stroke."

"It's a good thing you are eligible for Medicare. You're over sixty five." Peter mumbled.

"Oh my god," Steve groaned.

"Don't let him fall. It's harder to recover from broken bones when you're older." Tony said.

"Does he have his LifeAlert on him?" Peter frowned. "Just in case."

"I make sure if it every time we leave the house," Tony said. "I also have Stephen on speed dial in case something happens to my old man." He smiled fondly at Steve. Steve rolled his eyes.

"Nat would never do this to me," Steve grumbled.

"Shoulda married her then." Tony grinned.

"But I love you." Steve kissed Tony's cheek. Tony looked stunned.

"Ewww!" Peter made a face. "PDA!" The two men laughed. "I'm telling Aunt Pepper all about this when we get home."

"I'm sure she'd love to hear it." Tony said and ruffled Peter's hair.

I have no Idea what this is