The Notes

A Letter To BTS

The time I became an ARMY.

July 2018, I started an adventure. I joined a family of 5 on their boat, I became the 3 kids big sister. Living on a boat is hard, but very rewarding. We saw many places, met many new people, I saw the kids grow and learn things.

But, it was also very lonely. It's hard to make friends if you move from place to place almost every week. I didn't know about BTS just yet. I saw an article, of 7 boys from Korea performing in Amsterdam. About all the trash fans left behind. I put the article away.

A few months later, December 2018. In Tenerife, the Canary Islands. I got curious.

Who is BTS?

It's not hard to find. Of course. I discovered RM's album, MONO, and immediately fell in love. I didn't feel as lonely anymore, my days filled with music. It was Christmas time, and the only thing I was playing, was MONO, and especially Seoul.

I discovered more of BTS' music, falling in love slowly with these boys and their music. The warmth, but also the message. Lost, Stigma, Serendipity, Hope World, Let Me Know, Tomorrow, Euphoria, Epiphany, forever rain. One by one songs that helped me through dark days.

I joined the BTS ARMY on Twitter, meeting new people along the way. I met my soulmate from Tunisia, I met my 'twin' from Germany. I made friends in Malaysia, America, Brasil, Spain, Portugal, England, the Philippines. We are truly a multicolored family.

With the boat, we were in the middle of nowhere a lot of times, but I had BTS. I had their music. I had ARMY.

I met a friend, who became my best friend. My soulmate. A friendship like Jimin and Taehyung. We've sadly never met, but we support each other in every single decision. I've only known her for half a year now, but it feels like forever. She's my everything. My dearest sister from another family.

May 29th I came home. It was hard saying goodbye to the kids. Aged 6, 3 and almost 2. Even Elle the 6 year old became an ARMY, loving Jimin a lot. She even drew Jimin for my birthday.

Anyway, the day after I got home, I took the bus to London. I was going there for my first concert of BTS. The first day I enjoyed the scenery, meeting some new friends at the hostel and visited the stadium.

June 1st, the first day of the London concerts. Wembley park was filled with a lot of people. The weather was nice, so was the vibe. It felt amazing even before the concert started.

I was amazed and couldn't say a word, I was so focused on the boys, knowing this concert was being broadcasted live.

June 2nd, was emotional. When Young Forever played after the ending meant, I couldn't keep it dry. The love from us to the boys and vice versa, wow. It's something you rarely see these days

I had walked miles in London, visiting places I hadn't been too yet. Soon it was time for me to leave for Paris.

After a delayed train and a delayed flight, I arrived at Charles de Gaulle, where I met up with a Romenian army.

Together we traveled to our Airbnb, which we shared with 2 girls from a Portugal. They were the sweetest. I felt at ease right away. We finished the night watching BTS videos.

The next day we did a tour of Paris with the 4 of us. Visiting the Louvre, the BTS popup store and the Eiffel Tower before going to the stadium. We got some merch, danced, listened to BTS Soundchecking before going home ready for the next day.

June 7th, I sat alone. 3rd time seeing BTS, yet the vibe in Paris was so different. Je t'aime.

June 8th, me and the girls decided to go to the 2nd Paris concert, and we didn't regret it one bit. I was so happy to finally see a BTS concert with friends. We screamed, we cried, we hugged during Mikrokosmos.

I was so sad to say goodbye again.
But we stay in touch. Still. From Portugal, Romenia and the Netherlands. Four girls who became friends forever.

Now. After all my adventures. I'm back home. Which is hard for me. Our family is torn apart. My dad, has been an alcoholic since 2013. (After my 18th Birthday, when my grandma died and just before you debuted.) It has been hard, very hard. My dad became a stranger in his own home.

But I keep fighting. For my mum, my brother and myself. I keep fighting to become a better person, to achieve my dreams and to make this world a little bit happier.

I'm glad and very happy I met BTS. Met ARMY. I have learned many things. I've become less shy, and care less about what people say. Whenever I listen to them. To your music. I smile, I cry but most of all. I'm proud. I'm proud of what you have become, even when I wasn't there at the beginning. I'm a proud 95 liner, a proud 'big sister' of Jungkook (who had the same age as my little brother).

I'm proud of RM, who had to deal with leading this group for a long time. I am proud of Suga, who had to struggle with the opinions of people. Looking down on him for becoming an Idol. I'm proud of J-Hope. I'm proud of Jin, who didn't do anything like singing or dancing before he joined BTS. I'm proud of Jimin. Jimin who gave up his career of being a contemporary dancer to join BTS. I'm proud of V. Who came from a farmer's family, but now amazes everyone with his beautiful and deep voice. I'm proud of Jungkook. Who was still in school when he became an Idol, who managed to graduate. Jungkook who managed to grow up so well, with the help of his brothers.

I want to learn Korean, I want to learn the choreo, I want to learn how to draw the boys. I want to become a better photographer in the hope that one day, one day Taehyung will see my photos. I hope that one day I'll be able to give them a hug. To say thank you, for everything.

I know this letter is long, very long, but I don't know when I'll have the chance again to do something like this.

I'm a Lifeguard, a dancer, a writer, a friend, an animal lover, a gamer. I'm weird, silent, caring, loving. I am shy and don't trust quick, but once you gain my trust, I give you a lot of love. I'm creative. But above all. I'm me, I am a part of ARMY. I'm part of BTS. I'm Sascha.

Thank you. Saranghaeyo.