Attraction-Infatuation-smitten-Love! All synonyms to the last word. I call them synonyms because they are frequently used together but the difference between them could even harbor another universe!
Attraction could be towards anything. Not restricted to a person, no boundaries. An attraction is pure and unadulterated, with no further thoughts to complicate it, to contradict it, to juxtapose it with others. When I met her, as usual, I knew its either attraction or just my hormones going crazy. I didn't think much about it because I already had so much in mind, and I was tired of my brain coming up with consoling thoughts so that I give this heart of mine, another shot at a soulmate! I never thought that she could be the one but slowly...this attraction, transformed into infatuation. And this infatuation...I tell you, is the most mind-fucking but heart-racing emotion. Infatuation is being carried away by an unreasoned passion towards someone, developing platonic feelings which ultimately disguises itself as spiritual love. Attraction begins it all, Infatuation transcends this mere attraction to 'heights' and by the time you're smitten by someone: you find yourself grinning and laughing, breaking a smile and being genuinely happy just by the thought of that person. You consider yourself as sane as a human could be and crazy in love. There are no regrets, not yet, for loving someone! You think its love and love is the purest form of emotion... I agree, not completely, however.
Love is regretful when your expectations backstab you. Love is painful when you are the only one in it. Love is deceiving when you believe in it. Love is all but not happy when you wrongly assume it to be. These are all my personal views and that's the reason I've started following Sam Smith's words: "I'm just too good at goodbyes...". Detachment form this emotion is not the solution, robbing someone else a chance to love just because you were scarred in the same process is unfair but... justified to you and your conscience. Sam sang the song 'Too good at goodbyes' acknowledging the pain, loving someone brings upon you. And he decided to stay away, from love and affection, stay away from feeling like that, in order spare him and the other from the suffering. Sam hated love for what it did to him and he is convinced things won't ever change. So, he believes that even if the girl is totally in love with him, he will restrict himself, stop from letting things go further because he can see the ugly end on the other side. And I understand this emotion. When you know that you shouldn't fall for anyone again because its you who corrupts this purest form of emotion, you should stay away from it altogether. That's what I am planning to do: 'Never let myself fall for someone again!'
If only... I had that sort of control over me!
And I don't think I do because I am sensing I have fallen for someone. I have. I show all the 'symptoms' and I too, call this love. Though, at this point, I should know when it's love, and when its not but- WHEN WAS THIS SO DAMN EASY!? I'm going with the flow right now. If confession would kill whatever it is right now and I'm sure it will, I prefer this camouflage. I haven't given up on giving up this journey that'll peel me off, little by little, shred a piece of my soul with every step I take, so I will still be alive if it ends... I will be alive, somehow. I am above the synonyms at this point, I am happy to have her. me and her, this way... a distance that I don't wanna close; an understanding that I don't wanna lose; this attachment that is better than the stiches between me and my soul. I am just glad I know her. doesn't matter if we 'have' each other that way or not but one thing is for sure: The day I lose her, I will lose something I could never replace.
