Sorry I haven’t updated in awhile I’ve been using a new notebook I bought to right stuff down because I wasn’t around my laptop much but now I’m back so I hope I can write more in my “Diary”. I have no clue if anybody even reads these but it’s for me not you right? Whatever. On to my entry..
I’m so sick of this bullshit everybody keeps telling me. “it’s just a phase” or “it gets better” but I know for a fact this isn’t just a “phase” and from where I’m standing it doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to get better. But when you’re down the only way is up right? And I’m only 17 so I guess I have time to see. Well I hope so. Because I’m pretty sure I can’t go any lower. I started cutting again. And it’s worse than any other time because I just don’t care anymore. I don’t care. I’m too scared to tell my friends that I started again because I don’t want them to be disappointed or mad at me. But I guess the reason I cut is to have and emotional outlet without being a burden or bugging someone. I tried to try other things, they didn’t last. Last Sunday I tried drinking instead(I know not the best choice but someone offered) it didn’t work the way I wanted it to and vodka tastes disgusting >.< My cousin keeps trying to hook me up with his friends and I think it’s sweet that he’s trying. But if I can’t even think straight how the hell am I supposed to be in a relationship? I’ve always wanted to be a part of one of those cute relationships but I don’t think I ever will be. I’m just too weird, awkward and unattractive. Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see on that too huh?
