Fire Emblem 3 houses [Fe Byleth x Dimitri] - Byleth's Choice

Chapter I

I'm standing with all the blue lions discussing the coming battle.
The inevitable conflict with Edelgard and her army is tomorrow and there is an ever present feeling of anxiety that has invaded every corner of Garreg Mach Monastery.

As Dimitri is finishing an admittedly terrifying speech about the coming battle- showing no mercy and all that, It finally prompts me to make a decision. I don't think it's the kind of decision anyone would make lightly, nor is it one that comes easy to even me, but.. I just can't watch this anymore..
I just can't. I physically may not survive this cursed worry that threatens to consume me fully. Although I was initially concerned about my students- my friends, I found they all seem to be in fairly good spirits, all things considered...
Except for Dimitri that is.
Worrying about him is consuming most of my thoughts and my heart has begun to feel like someone's merciless hands are squeezing it ever tighter in a relentless grip, and every time they squeeze I can not only feel my heart twinge and ache but my breath get squeezed right out of my lungs all in one go.
Dramatic, I'm aware. But in the time I've spent here at Garreg Mach I have come to care for many people. And this caring thing is very new to me. It's all very new to me and I am experiencing most of these emotions for the very first time. It's admittedly a little hard to keep up with at times.
Thoughts of why I am here, not just at Garreg Mach but why I live at all, have been plaguing me for awhile now. Gerald is certainly gone and he was my only connection in this world, I followed him wherever he went, it was the natural decision to make. I loved him. I was here for him. But then he left this world and I remained. I remained at Garreg Mach and I remained alive. Alive and seemingly without aim. Sothis was with me but then in a way she left me too, though I still feel her presence if I focus on it.
No. I shouldn't have a reason to live, but I do. It's the students. More specifically it's MY students. And that beautiful one with the blue eyes. Who's eyes have grown duller by the day and mood more chaotic ever since he confirmed his suspicions that Edelgard was the Flame Emperor.
I have been watching a caring, considerate and sincere man change before my eyes and have felt powerless to stop it.
My heart only just started to truly beat, to truly feel, everything is so new to me- and now I must feel such heartache- again it feels like someone is trying to pull my heart from my chest. That grip is tight and unrelenting.
I'm not here for Geralt anymore, I'm here for him.

I had wanted to join Edelgard when she asked me as the Flame Emperor but Dimitri clung with absolute certainty to the idea that the Flame Emperor was somehow connected to his family's death. I felt like I couldn't push it any further after hearing his side. Even then I could feel how truly fragile he was.

So I have examined my own morality and made my decision.

As Dimitri and the rest of the Blue Lions have each had their say and discussed their thoughts and feelings about the battle ahead a second of silence goes by and I take that chance to speak up.
Stealing myself I ask for everyone's attention. The room fills with a heavy silence, they can all hear the seriousness in my voice.
"There is something I have decided to do... I have examined my heart and found that this is what must be done..." I trail off for a moment as worry threatens to shake me before deciding to just get to the point.
I ask them to gather outside the front of Garreg Mach where Edelgard's army will have no choice but to try and enter from. And when they are within our sights, I ask that they hold their positions and let me walk ahead.
"Then, when I give the signal, close your eyes for.. (I consider how much time I should really need) 10 seconds .." I ask.
My request must sound confusing, mad even. Felix begins to prod me for an explanation but I just ask him to trust me. Dedue looks like he wants to question me further and holds his tongue, but Sylvain seems oddly for It along with most everyone else despite a few pairs of questioning eyes.
They genuinely trust me. It takes me off guard to feel how deep their belief in me goes. I'm not sure if I really deserve their trust but I'm going to protect them all the same.