EVANGELION: 3.0+0.5

SHINJI I

Shinji crawled into a ball, completely in disbelief in what had just occurred. The top of the entry plug blew open with a bang, and Asuka appeared behind it. Her breathing was shaky for a moment, before stabilising, and she held her hands on her hips, standing confidently upright, looking down at Shinji with disapproval. "Brat-Shinji. You didn't come and help me."

Shinji tightened himself in the fetal position, trying to ignore the truth presented to him. He felt a wave of emotions rush over; embarrassment, guilt, trauma, regret, and brushed them all off, trying to forget the world exists. I don't want to be here any longer.

"You only thought of yourself, as usual. You figured you'd get away with it if you stayed quiet. Hmph"

Again, the truth stabbed at him, and Shinji tried to suppress his emotions once more. Asuka hopped down from the plug gracefully onto the ground, and began to walk away. For a bit, Shinji heard nothing, and thought that just maybe it was all a dream, and he would wake up soon, but soon Asuka hopped down into the plug with him and kicked him over, out of his solitude.

"You're still such a baby." Asuka said with eyes of disgust. Shinji laid still on the cold steel. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here.

"Even after all this time, you're just a troublesome brat." Asuka grabbed Shinji by the hair, and held him up until Shinji stood dejectedly, head held down. Asuka tried to push him, to no avail. "Move, you brat."

Asuka tried grabbing Shinji by the plugsuit, and dragged him out of the plug. I don't deserve to live.

"Come on, put this on." Asuka strapped some sort of sash with a bag around him and held him up from falling. Shinji felt like there was a giant rock on him, slowly crushing him to death. He was completely exhausted, and just wanted to die already.

"Geez! You can't even stand on your own?!" Asuka snapped while grabbing his mouth. Her rant seemed to be interrupted though, and she looked across at Rei, who was walking closer to them. Rei...

"So you were the pilot. You must be one of the Ayanami-type early models." Rei stayed silent through Asuka's revelation. Not the real Rei... just a clone, a clone of my mother... a shadow of the real Rei, who I couldn't even save. I'm useless. Asuka sighed at took out some device that was beeping.

"Aah, can't get a good reading here." She climbed up the entry plug and stood there. I hope I don't wake up when I fall asleep. That'd be nice. It'd be peaceful, better than this nightmare. I should just die.

"The L barrier density is too high here. They won't be able to come for us. Let's go someplace where Lilin can pick us up." Asuka hopped down from the top of the plug, and grabbed Shinji by the wrist, "Come on."

Shinji felt the SDAT drop to the ground, but lacked the energy to try to pick it up again, and just reluctantly followed Asuka. My father lied to me, again. Soon they were a long way from the entry plug, with Rei alongside them.

Asuka was saying something, still pulling him along. Shinji couldn't hear her, or maybe he just didn't care. After what seemed like an eternity, he could see again, and he looked up at Asuka. She had a pouty face on. Shinji noticed her eyepatch again.

"Asuka...", he tried to ask, only for Asuka to snap back, "Shut up, brat-Shinji.". Shinji noticed an SDAT in Asuka's hand that she was staring at. Shinji moved closer and looked at the SDAT, wondering what she was listening to. Oh, it's not an SDAT. The device that looked like an SDAT seemed to be some kind of tracker, with a radar on it. "Asuka, what is that?". Asuka looked back at Shinji and saw him for the stupid boy he was. "What? You really are an idiot. It's obviously an L barrier scanner. Did you listen to a word I said?" Shinji didn't bother asking any more, as to not provoke Asuka further. He looked around, and realised Rei was behind him. Not Rei, just a clone of Rei. Rei was looking into his eyes now. Shinji realised his eyes laid on Rei's breasts, while he was thinking. Shinji blushed a fervent scarlet and jumped backwards, "Aaah! Sorry Rei. I-i- didn't mean-"

"Who was the original Rei?"

Was it always this hot here? "I-i-", he couldn't find words for her unsolicited question.

"Continue your chit-chat later, lets go". Shinji didn't move. He just stared down at his feet.

"C'mon, brat!! And you too, clone!". Asuka grabbed Shinji's hand. Shinji felt himself blushing.

He figured that asking Asuka anything would be fruitless efforts, and so decided to stay quiet. After a while, Asuka let go of Shinji's hand, and Shinji found himself following. He glanced behind. Rei was not far behind, but it looked like she wasn't really looking at where she was going. Shinji looked ahead and kept walking. I'm worthless. A waste of space. I killed the world. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless, worthless, worthless.

Misato's words rang in Shinji's head again. From now on, you won't be doing anything.

The words faded when Shinji hit something. Ow...

"Oi, brat. Look where you're walking."

"S-sorry Asuka."

"Misato should be here soon". Asuka was looking at the sky, seemingly avoiding eye contact with Shinji.

The group had stopped in a town, or it was a town, before the impact. The impact that Shinji had caused. All the dead, everyone gone, it's all my fault, and Kaworu tried to fix my mistake, but I killed him too. Shinji can't do anything right, just a complete useless waste of space. I'll fix it all, I'll show everyone, Misato, Asuka... Gendo... and I'll save the world, and then people will need me, they will like me.

They waited in silence, the air still awkward to Shinji, after all that's happened. Shinji observed the town closer, everything was red, all the souls that had failed to ascend, all the people that Shinji had murdered, and for what? Kaworu-kun... how could he leave me alone like that... he is... was my only friend now. Why him? Why is the world so cruel that I would live, but Kaworu is the one who sacrificed himself. It should have been me... it should have been me.

Shinji turned into a baby again. He couldn't stop the flood of rain. He thought he saw Asuka looking in disgust, before turning away once again. Shinji didn't care. He wanted to mourn for Kaworu. He put his hands over his face, and let himself weep.

After a while, his eyes dried up. Still, Shinji was useless, utterly worthless, nothing compared to Kaworu, who was perfect in every way. His smile, his eyes, his only friend in the world now was gone. Everyone hates him, Shinji hates himself. Asuka, Misato... even Rei was just more a doll like Asuka used to say. Finally, Shinji had stopped being an infant, and realised that Asuka was gone.

"Asuka? Where are you?", Shinji shouted into the vast open space. Asuka appeared a moment later, out of a building of some kind. It was hard to tell what the building originally was since its all splattered with the souls of the dead. She held stacks of cans close to her chest with her arms wrapped around them.

"Getting food so we don't die of starvation, Brat-Shinji", she snapped back.

That evening, they ate together in the middle of the street in a circle, the cans in the middle. The group ate in silence, Asuka eating the fastest, Rei taking her time and Shinji didn't bother touching the food. After a few minutes though, Shinji was too hungry, and started to eat. There were various cans of differing foods that Asuka had found, some with tuna, some with beetroot, and most with beans. Shinji took a random can, opened it, and found beans. They were in tomato sauce, but they didn't look very appetising, nor did they taste any better than they looked. Asuka finished eating first, and she stood up and walked somewhere else, probably to get away from Shinji. Shinji had watched her walk away, both in silence, and saw her eyepatch once again. Did I do that? Unit 3... it was infected, and my hands were forced to...

Shinji lost his appetite, and put down the half eaten can. He debated going after Asuka, but he was too tired, physically and mentally. The sun would be gone soon, and so Shinji decided to rest. He laid on the crimson ground, closed his eyes, and drifted off.