Princes and Assassins

IX

Today is the day I will speak to Roman. He is just incredible. His laugh is a pretty sound and he is a beauty to behold. But his personality... He may be vein but he is funny and cares for others. Mischievous could also be used as a description. Oh, how I love him.

Wait! No Virgil! Don't be stupid, you can't think like that. Why would Roman want to be with You? No can't think of one reason can you? See you can't think that you love him. You will only lead yourself to heart break. We don't need more pain.

Oh and don't let me forget, I am to be married to my best friend. That would definitely be a turn off for anyone who was even remotely interested in me and that's never happened before. Why would it start now.

Patton said to confess. Well I am certainly not doing that face to face. I am to nervous. Just thinking about the look of judgement I will get is enough to make me never want to admit it.

But think about it. I don't have to say it to his face. Yes! I will write a letter. This is perfect. This is the perfect way to be rejected, I will move on easily. Roman will probably never want to see me again so I won't see him, or his pretty face, again either. That problem is solved.

And on the minuscule, tiny percentage that he does return my feelings...Well that's great. Well not great since I will probably mess it up or do something stupid or-Virgil your rambling. Let's just write that letter.

Dear Roman,
                        I think I have feelings for you.

I have never had many friends, but then you came along. You weren't really supposed to be my friend, but I think of you as my friend. It doesn't feel like very long, it's been just enough time, but I know your personality like I have known you since we were children.

There are so many other things that I would love to learn about you, that you don't talk about. You have been such a kind friend to me. I hope you do consider me as a friend.

But as time went on, I started to feel so much more strongly towards you. I loved your singing voice, I heard it as I played the ukulele. I loved your laugh and your jokes. I loved your eyes with speckles of gold in them. I loved your personality, how you acted like a hero. I loved your stories. I loved everything about you. I loved you.

I love you.

There is probably no way you would, or even could, return my feelings. I apologise if this has made you feel at all uncomfortable.

But in the event of the tiny percentage of possibility that you do return my feelings, please inform me of this.

Prince Virgil.

Well that's one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. Talking about feelings is really hard. It makes you vulnerable. More vulnerable than you could ever be. More vulnerable than if you had no weapon in a sword fight, or no support from your kingdom. No. If people know your feelings, they know your head. Then anything can happen.

I learnt that from Logan. I try to conceal feelings like him, but I am not very good at it. This letter is the evidence.

I see the pools of ink on rough parchment stare at me. Almost daring me to give Roman this letter. I feel the urge to throw it into the blazing embers of the fire that will be made this evening. I could wait until then to destroy it. Or I could destroy it now.

But I have written it, haven't I. This is my way of getting over my feelings. If I don't get rejected then these feelings will keep me up at night. But so will this letter. I guess I am deciding the lesser of two evils.

Without my consent I feel my hand snatch up the letter and my legs move of their own accord. My door opens, even though I don't tell my body to continue, my head is telling me to hide. I walk down the corridor and the stairs. I deliver the letter under the door. Then I leave.

I guess it has been done. Let's hope the outcome doesn't kill me, like my mind is assuring me it will.

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Merry Christmas everyone, or happy holidays to those who don't celebrate Christmas. Now this is slightly shorter than the last few but I hope it is still of a good enough quality.

Over 200 reads! You have blown my mind. I never thought it would get this many. Thank you so so much for reading, you don't know how much this means to me. Thank you again.

If you have any criticisms or tips, or just any other comments, please let me know as I would love the feedback. I also would love some human interaction as it makes me feel like a person again... Thank you all and have a wonderful day.

-SiD