Succumb (A Severus Snape Fanfiction)

|chapter nine|

Warnings: Mention/suggestion of abortion. Mentions of past childhood abuse/neglect. Smut (my smut game is rustier than ever, and I'm not great at the male pov smut. I also got kind of carried away. I think it may be a bit more- ahem- descriptive than some of my past work. I just- I'm sorry😅😅).

****also I just noticed chapter 5 wasn't published for some reason? So if that's caused any confusion I'm sorry! I have it fixed.

Severus' POV

"I hate that fucking thing."

Severus' brought the finger he had been trailing along the dark mark on Kathryn's arm to a stop, shifting so that he could look at her better. "It's just a tattoo most of the time," he told her. He loathed his own mark as well. Even when the Dark Lord had went into hiding, it was a constant reminder of the path he had taken and of Lily's death, something that no amount of time had yet to fully heal. The guilt of his involvement was something that still threatened to very nearly suffocate him daily.

"It's not because it hurts when he summons us... I just, I don't know. I just hate that there's a part of him anywhere on me. He killed my parents, and will probably try to kill me as well. And I'm stuck serving him like a... pet."

"If you could go back in time, and change your decision to go to him. Would you?" Severus asked.

"I mean, you would think my answer would be yes. Because perhaps if I had ran, I would still be holding myself together. Maybe I would be sitting on a beach somewhere right now, with no other problems than what I planned on eating for dinner. Or perhaps he would have thought of me as too much trouble and hunted me down and killed me. Merlin knows it would have prevented all of the damage I've caused. But honestly, if I could do it all over again, I would it all the same. I can't imagine any kind of life without you in it... I just wish all of this Shade bullshit wasn't a constant factor in our relationship."

"It's not all that bad," he replied simply, his fingertips once again tracing over the bare skin of her arm. Kathryn rolled her eyes, scoffing lightly at his words. The corners of his mouth turned upwards at the action. There was simply nothing more Kathryn than that.

"You seem to think that you burden me with your problems, but though you undoubtedly come with certain challenges, you wouldn't be quite you without your shade bullshit. I do hope we can find a permanent solution to your problem, but there isn't a thing I would change about you even if I could."

How odd it felt for him to say those words out loud. If there was one thing for certain, it was that he had never been affectionate or ever actually talked about his feelings before Kathryn. It was strange territory for him still, and despite his love for the woman lying next to him, it left him still feeling vulnerable and slightly uncomfortable.

"I love you," Kathryn said softly, a small smile gracing her face as she leaned in to close the distance between them and pulled him into a slow kiss. Her eyes were closed, but he knew she could feel him smile against her as he snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her tighter against his body.

It wasn't until she opened her eyes, taking him aback with eyes brimming with tears, that he had even noticed anything was wrong. "I've been keeping something from you," she said.

A nervous pit formed in Severus' stomach at her words, but he kept his composure, giving away nothing as he responded with a simple, "And what might that be?"

"I haven't wanted to say anything, and I hope you aren't too upset with me for not doing so sooner. I've only known myself for a couple of weeks.. It would be totally understandable if you are upset. Merlin I don't even know where to begin," she rambled, her anxiety apparent in her tone as she continued, "It's just... I didn't want to worry you, you know. I think maybe a part of me felt like it wouldn't really be real if I didn't speak of it-"