Za Kulisami: Behind the Eyes of Natalia Romanova {ON HIATUS}

Wash Her Hands

The first thing she did when she returned from a mission was wash her hands.

Under boiling hot water, in a white porcelain sink. She never washed them in a stainless steel sink because it made her feel even dirtier than she already thought she was. She didn't know why; it just did. And she always used soap that scented of fresh mint. It made her feel new, clean...innocent.

She would scrub for at least five minutes until those hands were red from heat and friction. And then, she would turn the water ice cold and leave it that way until her hands were white again.

That was her way of cleansing herself of the souls, washing away the blood. That was Natalia Romanova's way of reminding herself that she was good, that she was changed, that now she was not a murdurer, she was a savior.

Whether she ever actually believed that or not, not even she knew. All she really knew was that it kept her sanity, and at least it made her feel clean.