Never and Forever

Chapter I

"Lauren"

I looked up and realized I had accidentally tuned out my therapist... again.

"Yes? Sorry, I didn't me-, i was jus-"

"Lauren it's ok, I think we can call it a day, don't you think?"

My therapist looked at me with a soft smile. I knew she was only here to help me, but that didn't stop me from hating having to come here in the first place.

"Yea"

"Ok, i'll see you next week alright? Same time as always"

I got up slowly as she started to walk towards the door signaling for me to exit the room with her.
As I walk out of the building into the warm Miami air, I adjust my backpack and head off onto the sidewalk. I was grateful it wasn't too hot, considering I decided to walk to my appointment today, instead of having my mother drive me. I didn't want my mother obsessing over me like she usually does after a session. I know she means well but I can't help but feel overwhelmed when she persists on asking how im feeling and if the session went well. As I walk on the sidewalk listening to the busy streets of Miami. I decide to walk to serendipity, a small cafe that's located not far from the mental health clinic I attend for my weekly sessions. As I'm walking to serendipity, I can't help but think back on what my therapist said today.

"It's ok to still have these recurring emotions, Lauren, nobody is expecting you to get better overnight sweety. Like I said before, a healthy balance of therapy and medication should help you through your recovery process"

I internally cringe when she brought up my medication. I hate being medicated.
I think most of the pharmaceutical industry is bullshit but I can't bring myself to tell her that. She doesn't understand... Doesn't understand that I no longer feel like the Lauren I used to be... like the Lauren I want to be. All that is left of my old self are the recurring nightmares and voices that I can't seem to push away no matter how hard I try or how many different pills they make me swallow. I sigh stopping across serendipity, realizing how deep in thought I was again. I cross the rather unbusy street and make my way into the cafe. As I'm walking in, I'm hit with the wonderful aroma of coffee beans and tea. Serendipity is one of my favorite cafes in Miami. Besides having the most amazing coffee and tea. It's a cozy and relatively uncrowded space. Making it a place where I can still feel comfortable, even after the incide-.
I shake my head trying to forget about it. I don't want my thoughts to get ahead of me right now. I walk up to the front and give the cashier a smile.

"Hey Lauren!, what will it be today"

"The usual Lucy"

"Coming right up Lo"

I hand Lucy the money and wait patiently for my drink. I've known Lucy for a while now, she's a close friend and one of the few people that know about-

"Here you go Lo"

I hear Lucy address me, effectively cutting off my thoughts.

"I made sure to put extra whipped cream for you. I know how much you like eating it off the top"

I offer her another warm smile as she hands me my drink, then heads off back to the register seeing as another customer came in.
I smile watching as she takes the next customers order. I always appreciated my friendship with her. She's the most passionate, caring and understanding person I know. Not to mention her most recent constant need to watch over me, which I find endearing. I'm not complaining though, I appreciate the obvious care she has for me. In fact, the whole reason she got a job as a barista here at serendipity, was so that she could continue to watch over me knowing I frequent this place. To others it might seem a bit overbearing but I don't mind it. I like to let her have the comfort of knowing I'm ok. Especially since she hasn't been the same afte-

"Excuse me"

I look down and see a young girl who looked around 10 trying to get passed me. I awkwardly smile at her as I step to the side and apologize.

"Sorry"

I watch as the little girl runs to the bathroom, mumbling a small thank you in her leave. I decide to sit in one of the corner tables and text my brother Chris to come get me. I was a bit tired and didn't feel like making the walk back home. I see my phone light up with a message from Chris.

Be there in 10

I send him a quick ok and look out the cafe window overlooking the streets, and watch as the cars pass by. I start to think about the people outside the cafe.
I wonder if they're going through things too. I wonder if they've seen the ugliness of this world.
I bring the cup to my lips and drink the last few sips as I get up to throw away my cup, avoiding any sort of contact with anyone else. I hate having anxiety cripple my social ability to talk to strangers. It's not that I want to be a social butterfly either, but I just want to be able to hold a normal conversation with anyone that isn't my family or Lucy for more then a few seconds. I can't even make eye contact without feeling my anxiety rise up my throat effectively making me sick.
I sigh
I wish I could be normal again.. I don't want to feel this way anymore... it's all his fault..

*Ping*

My phone cuts off my thoughts, I check it and see Chris texted that he's here. I quickly get my bag and sling it over my shoulder while I avert my eyes to the ground.
There's starting to be to many people here for comfort.. I need to get out quick.
As I'm nearing the door I run into someone and start feeling my anxiety rise up again.
You're ok.. its ok you just ran into someone, nothing is going to happen to you.
I quickly mutter an apology to the stranger, not even bothering to look up as I make my way out of the cafe. I spot Chris's car and quickly make my way to the passengers side.

"Hey, how was the coff-, what's wrong?"

I look up and see Chris with a worried expression on his face. I sigh and make sure my breath is even before I speak.

"Nothing, it's just, as I was walking out I ran into someone and it freaked me out a bit."

"Oh, are you ok now?"

"Yes, I think I'll be fine. Don't tell mom about this please.. she will only get worried and not let me walk to my appointments anymore."

Chris looks at me for a bit and nods. I sigh in relief and watch as he starts to pull out of the serendipity parking lot.

"You know you can talk to me right?"

"Yea"

Chis looks at me for a few seconds and just gives me a nod averting his attention back to the road. I sigh again and just look out the window watching as the world goes by.

———————
I won't leave notes down often but thought I should do one for this chapter This is my first time writing a camren book, and the idea of this book popped into my head and thought it was to good to ignore, this will have other POVs but for now I just wanted it to start out with Lauren
If there's ever any mistakes feel free to point them out
I hope you like it and I'll see you in the next chapter
P.s the cover is only temporary and I hope someone can reach out and help me on this aspect considering I'm horrible at making covers as you can clearly see.