Beating

Part 3 of 4 : The Angel Hae

Dear Lee Hyukjae;

I can still remember the first time I laid my eyes on you. I thought you have the most exquisite jaw line, expressive eyes, and soothing voice that I'd seen and heard in my entire life. I was mesmerized by you. In an instant my heart that never beats to anyone, franticly beats for you—only for you.

I can still remember how I bother Kyuhyun to tell me everything about you. Your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies, your personality. I wanted to meet you badly. I wanted to know you. I wanted to hang out with you, but I don't know how.

I can still remember how I tried to hide my happiness from my friends when you decided to messaged Kyu. You wanted to hang out with me as well. I could die from happiness on the spot, but I wanted to know you. I don't want to die with regrets on not knowing you.

I was 10 years old when doctor Cho, Kyu's father, told my family that my life has a time limit. 20 years to be exact. For almost 10 years, I live in agony. Afraid to die without telling those people that I love how they changed my life and how special they are to me. That was the reason why I kept on sending those messages at night before I sleep. I'm afraid that I won't wake up anymore the next day.

At first, I questioned God. Why me? There were other people, bad people who committed crime every day. I was just a young boy that time and yet—He chose me. My Mama and Dada cried a lot all throughout my battle. Sometimes, I can't look at them anymore.

I was 15 years old when I decided to give up on life. Nothing was happening. My condition was not improving. My Mama, Dada, Kyu, Wookie, and Heenim Hyung were the only reason why I diligently drank my medicine on time. Then everything changed.

2 months ago I met you. You have a very common name, but you were one of a kind. Suddenly I wanted to be with you every day. I even made so many excuses so that I can spend some time with you. I am happy whenever I'm with you. I feel alive, healthy, and worthy to be alive.

I don't know when it started, but suddenly I woke up and said, "Fuck! I can't live without him." And I know I am being selfish. I love how you made me feel special. I love how you pamper me. I love how you notice everything about me. I love how you replied as soon as you received my message. But most of all, I love you Lee Hyukjae.

I'm sorry if you feel bad after reading this letter. I'm sorry if I don't have the courage to say these words to you on person. I'm sorry if I'm being selfish right now and I'm sorry because I fell deeply in love with you.

Lee Hyukjae, you were the center of my everything. You became my world. Everything should be about you. I gave up in life a long time ago, but for those 2 months that we'd spent together you gave me enough reason to live. You show me how wonderful our world is. You open up a new and exciting world for me. You made those impossible things to possible, and I can't thank you enough Hyuk.

I can still remember my conversation with my Mama and Dada last night. I told them everything that I kept inside for a long time. Mama cried the hardest. She kept on saying sorry. I don't see any reason why she kept on saying sorry when in the first place; I should be the one saying sorry. Dada tried his best to control his emotions.

For the first time, I begged for them. I said that all I wanted right now is to prolong my life and be with you. I am very selfish. I said those words to them. I wanted to live for you and not for them anymore. I cried hard Hyuk. I don't know if it was because of the guilt I feel inside or because I was desperate. I wanted to live so badly right now.

But I know, the time will come—my time will come. Hyukjae, thank you for showing me love and compassion for the past 2 months. Thank you for being there for me all this time. Thank you for making me feels loved and special. Hyukjae I can't thank you enough.

Hyukjae, I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry for not hanging on till the end. I'm sorry if I'm weak. I'm sorry because I know; when this letter landed on your hands it means I lose already. It means that my heart betrayed me—and it means that I'm gone.

My heart might stop beating right now. I may be gone and won't be with you anymore, but always remember; I will always watch over you and guide you. Listen to your heart beat Hyukjae, because my heart will always be beating for you even if I'm gone.

Ps. Hyuk, one last thing. Once your heart beat for someone else, take courage. Don't be afraid because loving someone is a wonderful thing. I won't say good bye Hyuk, but I need to say 'I love you Lee Hyukjae.'

Lee Donghae

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First, I'm sorry for making you all feel sad.

Fine you can blame me. The reason why I started writing this fic was because I can't find my notebook. I keep on writing down ideas on that book and right now, I can't still find it. Due to my anger (trueeee~) I wrote the summary of this story.

I feel bad honestly. I should not kill anyone from my fic—but looks like I did it. Anyway, tell me your comment about the story.