THE ONE

It's been 5 years since I last visited this place. Seoul. Beautiful, modern yet rooted to its culture. The places seem familiar yet different. The air still smells the same though. Seoul. A place that gave me some of the happiest memories and then scarred me with wounds that haven't healed completely yet. Why am I here again? Maybe I should just head back home. I know what I'm about to face in a few hours. Am I ready to face the ghosts of my past? Am I strong enough? Questions. These questions have been haunting me since the moment I stepped off the plane. No. I can't go back. It's my friend's wedding day today. His big day. I can't bail on him.

With a deep breath I head out of the hotel room. I've dressed myself in a pastel coloured dress. The wedding is supposed to take place at a local church. It is supposed to be a small affair. I take the elevator, reach the lobby and head out to find the car waiting for me. A 30 minute ride separates me from him. HIM.

The car stops at the red light. Sitting in the backseat, leaning against the car window, my mind takes me back to the first time I met him. It was at a road crossing like this one, when I almost got run over by his driver. I was new in Seoul, here for my Masters degree and navigation had never agreed with me. I was lost in a street and was trying to work my way using Google maps but somehow ran infront of his car. And he, offered me a lift. How I wish I could go back in time just to deny that offer. But how could I? I was lost and in need of help. He looked kind. And the moment he greeted me with that gummy smile, I melted. We talked throughout the ride and like a gentleman, he dropped me off at the college campus. The next morning I found the same car at the college gate. He'd come to meet me. He asked me out for coffee. Should've said no. But I didn't.

A sudden jerk brings me back to the present. I ask the driver how long it'll take to reach the destination. "5 mins", he answers. My hands are now cold. We'd dated for 3 months and been in a relationship for 2 years. But only a few people knew about it. We couldn't let people know. Because he wasn't just anyone. He was a celebrity, an idol, heartthrob of millions across the globe. He was a member of BTS. He still is. And I was.. I was no one compared to him. Just a Math graduate pursuing a Masters here. We had nothing in common yet we felt a connection like no other.

"We're here", the driver says. Breaking away from my thoughts, I pay him his due and get down from the cab. It's a beautiful venue, with a flower garden and a water fountain, a flower bed leading towards the entrance of the Church. I am 15 mins late. I did it intentionally, to avoid him. As I enter the church hall, something seems odd. Everyone's standing up trying to see what's happening at the altar. I ask an old lady standing at the end row about it. She answers, "Shushh.. There's drama. The bride's ex just made a declaration of love in front of us all. The bride took him to the room behind the church.. We're all waiting to see what the groom does now. Maybe he'll leave. Then I suppose we'll leave too. The way she grabbed her ex's hands.. I guess there won't be any wedding to witness today." The guests begin to leave one by one. I walk towards the altar to find my friend, Hobi, looking desolate and hopeless. How can this happen to him? Someone grabs my hands from behind, I turn around to find Taehyung looking sad, and maybe a little happy or shocked to meet me. "5 years! I never thought I'd see you again. I didn't realize breaking up with him would mean breaking our friendship too", he says. "You know how complicated it would have gotten", I answer and he agrees. "Can't believe this is happening with Hobi. Should I go and talk to him?", I ask. "No. Leave him be. He was with Yoongi. He needs time.. Which reminds me.. Have you met Yoongi yet?". I look at him with guilty eyes. Someone calls him from behind and he takes his leave. Perfect opportunity. I can now make my escape. I walk towards the door and through the flower garden when someone says, "How many more times are you gonna run away from me?".

I remember that voice all too well. Heard it countless number of times on the radio, on my phone and in my mind. I turn around to find Yoongi sitting on a bench located near the water fountain. I take a shaky step towards him. "I didn't run away from you", I reply in a low voice. "No, you broke up with me and left me here all alone", he replies. I dare to look at him but there's not a hint of anger or sadness. He's smiling, that gummy smile, at me. "Long time no see", he gestures towards the empty seat next to him, asking me to take a seat. And I do.

"I thought you'd hate to see me", my voice is shaking. "You thought wrong".
I notice the star shaped pendant I had once gifted him, dangling from the chain he's wearing. "You still wear that?", I ask. "It's still my lucky charm", he answers. "So how have you been?", I ask. "Honestly? Wasn't really good in the beginning, but I'm good now". We sit there in silence for a minute, neither of us making a sound.

"You know, when you left, I wanted to hate you, I tried to hate you, but I couldn't. It's been 5 years and now I know why you did what you did back then. I never really got the chance to thank you properly..", he says. "I loved you Yoongi and you loved me too. And I couldn't let you choose between me and your music. The first few months we dated, things seemed wonderful.. But with time I realised how difficult things would get. You were always gone, for tours and signings.. We barely talked, couldn't go out because of paparazzi. But those weren't the reasons why I had to end it. You know that now, don't you? Hobi had told me how you were planning to give up music just to settle down with me. I couldn't let you choose between me and music. Even if you would have chosen me, I might have been happy at first, but you would have regretted the decision after a few years. I broke up with you because I loved you and because I couldn't let you do this to yourself. Even after I went back home,  I followed your career. Every time I read about your music, your interviews, I felt proud. Every time I saw you win an award, heard a song you produced, I felt happy.. Because it only made me realise that the decision I took back then was right".

He remains silent for some time then points his fingers towards my hand and asks, "So, who's the lucky man?". I turn my hand palm side down and show him the ring, my wedding ring. " His name's Baek. We met 2 years ago. And we got married last year. He's kind, good looking, friendly and funny. We're polar opposites when it comes to our personalities.. He's one of those few people who knows about you and me. He likes your music too." "Wasn't he scared to let you come here and face me?", Suga asks. "He was the one who booked my tickets and literally forced me to come and attend Hobi's wedding". Suga smiles at me, the gummy smile. "I guess you've found THE ONE", he says. I get up from the seat and am about to leave. I turn back and smile at him and answer,  "Someday you'll find yours too". "I already did, and I carry her with me all the time..", he whispers, holding the pendant I had given him. I am at a loss for words. I hand him the wedding gift I had bought for Hobi and ask him to give it to his wife. "How are you so sure, he'll have a wife by the end of the day? Things aren't looking so great..", he tells me. I look at him and answer, "Yep, but he's Hobi. And no one can really live without a little sunshine."

I walk away from him for the second time.. But this time, I'm not sad and he's not heartbroken. This time we're both at peace. I will be going back to my husband.. To Baek.. Who brought back light in my life..Who loves me unconditionally (I wish I knew why he loves me)..Who made me realise that you CAN fall in love twice.. Who had enough faith in me to send me here to face my past.. Who, I know, will greet me with a smiling face at the airport when my plane lands. And as for Suga, he'll be returning back to his life of normalcy.. To his music.. His bandmates.. I'll keep him in my prayers and follow his career like I've done for the past 5 years. I still love him.. But it's not the same anymore.. I call a cab and am about to get in when I take one last glance at the church and pray that Hobi gets the happiness he deserves.. And for Suga to find THE ONE..