Lonely Hearts- Harry Styles Fanfiction

Alone

15th December 2018

‘You know what guys? I think I’m going to go in this pub just for one more drink, you should go home, I’ll be fine.’ I slurred as I waved off my three best friends, stumbling on the cobbled ground, reaching for the large wooden door that led to the dimly lit pub.

‘Don’t be silly Cara, how are you going to get home?’ Marina giggled, her honey blonde hair slightly blowing in the wind.

‘I don’t know, really I just need one more drink’ emphasising the one, I laughed as I used all my strength to open the wooden door, letting the warmth from inside surround me.

‘I’m texting you later tonight to make sure you’re alright!’ Matt assured, giving me a sympathetic look before linking arms with Marina and Bridget and trudging off down the street.

Sighing, I entered the pub, gazing around the room looking for the nearest person that would serve me alcohol. My eyes lit up as I found my way to the bar and clambered onto the nearest barstool. Resting my head in my hands, I looked up to find a bar man looking down at me, a sympathetic look in his eye.

That’s all I ever got these days, sympathy. ‘Aww what a poor girl, she hasn’t been the same since he left. It’s like she’s not the same girl.’ I would hear friends, family and people whom I didn’t even know whisper to each other from across the room, looking over at me and noticing the forced smile and the broken eyes. I couldn’t help it, I was broken and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hide it. And the more people who knew, the harder it would get, I was starting to get a name as the girl who was unfixable.

‘Can I get anything for you love?’ the man asked, a small smile tugging at his lips. He was good looking I had to admit, he had blonde hair that was styled in some sort of quiff and he just genuinely looked like a friendly person, however I wasn’t about to engage in any sort of conversation with him because I didn’t really make friends anymore, well at least no one wanted to be friends with me. I wasn’t fun enough or happy enough or I didn’t go out enough. The only friends I had now were my best friends that knew me before my life went down hill.

‘Umm… Can I have a vodka shot please?’ I smiled yet it didn’t reach my eyes. He looked unsure whether he should serve the alcohol to me, but he continued to reach down to the cupboards and bring up a large bottle of what I craved to make the pain disappear.

Sinking my head into my hands, I felt the cool glass knock my hands. Looking down I saw the clear liquid in the appealing shot glass. With one quick movement, I threw the liquid down my throat, the burning of the drink satisfying me.

‘Thanks’ I mumbled before this time resting my head on the wooden bar table.

Do you ever have those moments when it all hits you? Every single thing that is wrong in your life comes to the forefront? The moment when you finally realise what your life has become? Well I suffered from these realisations almost daily and tonight it was worse than ever. It was exactly one year today that I realised that I’d lost him forever. Maybe I’d lost him months before that, but at that moment I realised what we once shared together would only remain in my memories. He didn’t love me anymore, which was probably the most painful, heart-shattering part.

So here I was, in the middle of a deserted pub in London, by myself, with a few middle aged burly men scattered around me crying my eyes out. My head shook as I tried to wipe my eyes, instead just burying my face in my hands. I’d become an embarrassment, not that I already didn’t know this, but this exact moment was just clarification that I was 21 and definitely way too young to be feeling this sad.

‘Excuse me, I know this isn’t my place but are you alright?’ I tried my hardest from looking up to this ignorant person and shouting ‘Of course I’m not alright, I’m in a dingy pub at night, by myself, with an empty shot glass beside me and crying to myself because I’m alone. Yes of course I’m fine, everything’s fine because that’s what everyone would expect, it’s a year on and it should be fine but it’s bloody not and I need to get over it but I can’t.’

I restrained from shouting out my life story in public to someone whom I didn’t know, instead looking up and whispering ‘No, not really.’ my voice slightly cracking. My blurry vision adjusted so I could see the stranger sitting on the bar stool next to me. Slouched before me was a man similar to my age, he was ethnic, his skin a lovely tanned colour. His dark brown almost black hair was styled upright into a quiff and his hazel eyes looked down sympathetically at me. He was wearing a white loose fitting cotton shirt under an unbuttoned red checked shit with jeans. He looked nice, he looked familiar.

Blinking a few times I sat up straight, ‘Do I know you? I asked, my heart beat speeding up as I looked into his eyes, disbelief that he was here of all places.

‘No you don’t, I’m sorry I just came up to you because I wanted to check if you were alright.’ he shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed.

‘No, I actually think I know you! Zayn is that you?’ I was praying that maybe he just didn’t recognise me because I had changed so much since he last saw me, I was hardly the same person.

Laughing, he shook his head, ‘No, I’m not Zayn, you wouldn’t believe how many times I get that from teenage girls! I’ve even been asked to take pictures with people!’ He laughed, stopping when he saw my face drop.

‘Oh. I’m not a crazed fan girl. I knew Zayn.’ I mumbled, resting my head on one of my hands and turning to face him.

‘May I ask why you say you knew him?’ he asked, leaving me with a puzzled look on my face. I really didn’t want to get into this subject with someone I didn’t even know. ‘Well just when you say you knew him, how come you don’t know him anymore? Surely he’s the same guy? If you don’t mind me asking of course.’ he questioned, making gestures with his hands to justify his reason.

‘Well I haven’t seen him in a long time and we don’t speak anymore.’ I answered, curious as to why this nosey fucker was asking me so many questions.

‘Is he the reason for your current state?’ he asked, the sympathetic look still in his eyes as he moved himself to the same position that I was in, his head on one of his hands whilst facing me.

I was becoming annoyed by his presence, ‘How come I don’t even know your name and you want to know so much about me?’ I raised my eyebrow, ready to leave the pub, as I wasn’t in the mood for questioning.

‘I’m sorry, I’m Luke, what’s your name?’ Luke, I liked that name. He smiled whilst telling me, and the smile reached his eyes. I envied that.

‘I’m Cara.’ I whispered, looking into his eyes. For minutes we just sat there, staring at each other, giving each other small smiles occasionally. Even though he asked me questions that I didn’t necessarily want to answer, I somehow felt safe around him, which I hadn’t felt in over a year. Luke seemed to genuinely care, and wanted to help me. Maybe I should let someone in for once.

‘No. Zayn isn’t the reason I feel this way.’ I sighed, shaking my head slowly.

‘Oh, what’s the problem then?’

‘It’s a boy, well man, uh I don’t even know but I haven’t seen him in a while.’ I starting becoming nervous, pulling on the sleeves of my jacket to cover my hands.

‘It’s always a guy.’ Luke stated, shaking his head, as if I was too predictable. He sighed, ‘What happened?’

‘It’s a long story.’

‘I have the time.’

I smiled, why did Luke care about me when we had only just met? ‘Why do you care?’ I asked, feeling as though we were far too close for strangers that had only just met.

‘I don’t know actually.’ he laughed, smiling at me. ‘I think you need someone right now, and I’m prepared to be there for you.’

A genuine smile formed on my lips for the first time in a very long time, too long actually. Strangely, I wasn’t even uncomfortable that I was about to pour my heart out to Luke, I felt that finally I had the chance to gain some closure on the time in my life that I was completely and unashamedly in love with Harry Styles.