Your mum was never the friendly type. I don’t even remember the first time we met. She was someone anyone would disregard and forget after just one look. She left that kind of impression on you, or lack of it, I think. She was that boring. But when she began sporting those hideous injuries on her body, I was intrigued and the rest, as they say, was history.
My mum split when I was just six. I was the only child. I was surrounded by men and notably, men who liked other men. I’ve never had anybody to tell me that good women still exist. And your mum, she was the best. She was everything, every woman to me: colleague, friend, girlfriend, lover, wife, mother, sister, aunt, grandma, daughter, niece, nurse, therapist, teacher, partner, soulmate.
In contrast, to her, I was just “Desmond”. She has this difficulty of putting a label on me. When we were still dating, she argued that she was too old to call me her boyfriend. She said that the term is only for young people. Then again, she barely had anyone to show or introduce me to. It was like she kept me all to herself and I had no problem whatsoever with that. When she says my name, it’s the sweetest term of endearment and I know how much she loves me by the way she hesitates to touch me, by the way she refuses to look at me for more than five seconds, by how difficult it is for her to say that she loves me. She loves me so much that it overwhelms her, embarrasses her. It even makes me think that she loves me more than I love her.
But of course, you’ll always remember your first love and this is something you should know about me, Liam. Like I said, I was surrounded by gay friends but I was also open to the idea of dating women. It just so happened that the first person I truly fell in love with was a man. You have the same name as him. He was my college senior and I pursued him like an obsessed fan. He was so perfect and I was so in love with him that I declared it to the world, much to my father’s chagrin. He disowned and disinherited me right after I graduated college. It didn’t matter anyway. I had Liam. He was all I needed. And then, he was killed by a drunk driver and my life pretty much went to shit. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t remember the first time I met your mum. I was still too hung up on my grief. But now, when I look back on my memories of him, there’s no sadness. Well, maybe just a little bit. Now, it’s just…gratitude.
It’s easy to fall in love, Liam, with just about anyone. It’s really very easy, especially if you fall in love with the one.
