Phosphenes

Twenty

"You and I could take over the world
And one step at a time, just you and I"

"So how do we do this?" I asked.

It was the day after the party, Monday. I'm already at the office. A little sleepy. If there's something that haven't changed, it's me being a sleepyhead. But since last night was probably the highlight of my two years so far, my eyes might be a little pasaway as it gets heavy but my spirit is overflowing in happiness.

"What do you mean?" His voice is just a little low from the usual, bedroom voice as he's still in bed.. according to him. We've been talking over the phone for more than ten minutes now, I think.

"I think we should set some rules."

"Hmmm! Is it necessary?" He sounds uninterested in my suggestion.

"Of course. It's like a pilot project, testing the waters, ring a bell? We're both like noobs on this. Well at least I am. C'mon! You know rules are fundamentals. And why are you hesitant, btw? Afraid of something?"

"Fair enough. You have something in mind? Wanna hear it. And btw, I am not afraid for any reason. Just afraid of losing you.. hehe."

"Too much sweet can cause toothache. Stop it Ravena. I mean business so take it seriously."

"Yes ma'am. Enumerate. I'm listening."

"First rule, no PDA.."

"What?!!"

"Hey! We're not officially together pa."

"Fine. No PDA until we're officially together."

"What?!"

"We'll settle that when we get there. Next."

"Do you plan on dating other girls habang hindi pa tayo official?"

"What?!!" His voice was an octave higher.. lol.

"Sagutin mo na lang."

"No! You have plans dating other guys? I'm not sharing you Isabel Beatriz. I agreed to do it on your pace but we're exclusive. And that's non-negotiable."

"Okay. That's no.2. No dating other girls."

"And no dating other guys for you."

"Last, let's keep it lowkey."

"Expertise natin yan." He sounds smug. "But, gusto din kita iflex."

"Ay naku! Basta you do it lowkey. I don't know how. Basta I just don't want attention. Ayoko na yun dati na bawat galaw natin, may sinasabi sila. Ayoko na na ibabash ka. Gusto ko yun tahimik lang tayo."

"Okay. I understand. But learn to block things out. Whatever people say is trivial. This is our life. As long as we understand each other, everything else is just noise. Kay?"

"Kay." I breathed a sigh of relief. For whatever reason, this pacifies me. To know that he's decided to make things between us work and that he has this specific vision of where we're going pacify me. Coz honestly, he's my mainsail. I really don't know how to do this. "So time to pronounce your rules sir."

"Hmmm!! Ahhhm! First, just be honest. If I did anything wrong, something hurtful.. just tell me. I want to know so maiitama ko and maaavoid ko sya in the future. I want to know what makes you cry coz one of my goals? That is to always make you smile. I'd tell you everything that you should know. And if I failed to tell you something, just ask. You can ask me anything. Anything. Any time."

Silence.

"Hey! You still there?" He asked.

I can't speak. Feeling ko pag nagsalita ako, he'll know how giddy I am. That would be so embarassing. I don't think he ever saw me na kinikilig. Yes, people have seen me na kilig for little things like when I heard some songs na I like. He, too. But not because of him. When it comes to him, I think I already master the art of hiding my kilig masked in eye-rolling.

"Uyyy! Wag mo sabihin tinulugan mo ko? Puntahan talaga kita dyan sa office mo para gisingin ka. You know how shall a prince wake the princess from slumber right?"

"Pfff! Google ka ba?"

"Bakit? Kasi ako ang sagot sa tanong mo?"

"Hindi. Kasi ang dami mong alam."

"Of course! Marami pa akong alam na hindi mo alam. Want me to teach you some? Hahaha."

"Stopppppp! Aga aga."

"Bakit may right time ba to show your love?"

"Ravena. Pinapasakit mo ulo ko. Seryoso na nga kasi." I tried my best na mag seryoso.

"Fine. Sorry. Hahaha! Where were we?"

"Rules. Yours. What's next?!"

"Last.."

"Sure ka last na yan? Bawal na i-ammend, change, alter, modify after ha?" I joked.

"Yeah. Ikaw lang naman may gusto ng rules. We could just love and care less of what people are saying."

"I know. Sakyan mo na lang trip ko okay? Who knows? Baka ako pa una mag break the rules di ba? Next na."

"Okay. Last rule. Actually this is the golden rule. Any rule we made in conflict with it is deemed abolish."

"Okay, okay! Ang daming sabi. Ano na?"

"Last rule. Ultimate rule for you." He paused. Then he said the next words in serious voice and suddenly soft. He breathed. "Just.. love me. You are allowed to do anything as in anything.. except to not love me. So please. Just.. just love me okay?"

Silence except for our soft breathes. I don't know how many times he made me speechless in the span of just few days. I lost count already.

But this?

This is the ultimate.

You know the feeling na parang magburst yun heart mo sa sobrang kilig.

Too much emotions. Different emotions.

But all good.

"I know you still haven't said it back. But I can feel it. And I'll wait for that day na you're strong enough to jump into the void with me. Na makikipag-away ka na para sa kin." Then he chuckled. Maybe to make this conversation a little less.. serious probably. I bet he's nervous.

"Uyyy magsalita ka na. Kinakabahan na ko sa'yo."

"Hmmm." I'm searching for the right the word to say but how do you respond to words like that? If he's near me, I sure as hell would hug him tight.

"Ano ba? May nasabi ba ako? Natatakot na ko. Sabi mo kasi man up and just do and say what I want to. Nasobrahan yata. Me and my big mouth. Sorry na. Uyyy! Erase natin. Pwede pretend tayo na wala akong sinabi?" He really sounds worried.

"Shut up. Pwede ba kiligin? Kahit one minute lang? Ang ingay mo. Dami mong sabi." Natotorete ako sa dami nya sinabi.

"What??!! Pakiulit. Nabibingi na yata ako." I can imagine his face. Mapupunit siguro sa sobrang ngiti. I can sense it in his voice.

"Kinikilig ako. Malinaw na?" Feeling ko I have the upper hand. Sya naman yun natahimik. "Oh bakit ikaw naman ang natahimik?"

"Bakit? Ikaw lang pwede kiligin? Pwede kiligin muna ko? Kahit one minute lang?" Copying what I said earlier.

"Baliw."

"Baliw sa'yo."

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Hayyyy! Match point Ravena.