in loving memory//

1

i was 5 when he first touched me.

me being young, i didn't know it was wrong, so i let him.

he manipulated me into thinking it was some sort of playtime.

it was our "special time" as he called it.

it's been going on for years, and now that i'm older, i know just how wrong it is.
~~~
my dad is a famous youtuber, so people come over to the house all the time.

sometimes, those people come over more and more and before i know it, they're our friend.

well that's how cameron entered my life.

he started off sweet, him and my dad became the best of friends.

he would bring me sweets and gifts and all sorts of treasures, i wish i could've seen through his bullshit.

i only saw him every other weekend, as i technically lived with my mother.

my parents divorced 2 years after i was born.

after a few weeks of him becoming the new family friend, is when it all began.

it was a saturday evening.

my dad decided to have a small get together of close friends and family, so of course cameron was there.

my dad started grilling and the adults sat at our outside table as the rest of the kids swam.

i went back inside to grab my goggles from my room.

after i found them, i turned around to leave my room only to see him, standing in my doorway.

i smiled and said hello, he smiled back, but it wasn't a sweet smile.

he walked over to me and out of nowhere started tickling me.

his hands started gravitating to my chest, and in between my legs.

the longer he "tickled" me, the longer his hands would stay in those places.

as a kid i just laughed it off, thinking we were just having innocent fun.

after 10 minutes of this the sound of the backdoor opening and closing made him stop.

he grabbed his crotch and put his finger against his lips, signaling me to be quiet.

he slipped into the bathroom across the hall and left me in my room.

rachel, my dads girlfriend, walked into my room and asked me what i was laughing at.

i just shrugged my shoulders and giggled a little before leaving back downstairs.
~~~
and it's been like that ever since.

every 3 or so years he would escalate what he did.

he started my touching me with my clothes on, then without, then getting me to touch him with nothing on, to playing and even licking him.

i was 14 when he raped me.

it hurt like hell but he told me the pleasure would come soon, but it never did.

i cried from the time he started to when he finished.

i didn't understand what had happened, all i knew is that i felt different, hurt, disgusting.

he still showered me with gifts, so i thought it was still okay.

by that time, i had two younger brothers jake, 11, and caleb, 6.

he never got them anything like me, and i found that kind of weird.

it was that year when i had my sex ed class, i found out everything.