grumpy ;; woosan

[ twenty two ]

The conversation San was waiting for arrived near the time when he finished his last class. On this day, he finished earlier than Wooyoung, but the latter had apparently told his last lecturer that he had to attend some business — that business apparently being San.

Wooyoung sat in the driver seat of his Rover, San sitting stiffly in the passenger seat. They sat in a suffocating silence that they both didn't want, but they had no idea how to break it. San had never felt so uncomfortable around his own boyfriend, and he really didn't want to get used to it.

"Why did you lie?"

San looked up at Wooyoung. His voice had cracked in the middle of his sentence. He was hurt, for some reason. For some reason, he wanted to cry, but San couldn't pick up the reason at all. He rather looked at Wooyoung with wide eyes.

"Why did you lie to me?" Wooyoung repeated, looking at San with glossy eyes. "When I ask if s-something is wrong, I want you t-to be honest. If I ask if you're okay, you s-should be honest. I don't want us to lie to one another, Sannie. P-please. I'll ask again — are you okay?"

That same anxiety from before filled San to the brim. He didn't want to answer. He didn't want to voice his concerns. He wanted it to pass, like a wave joining the land. It would return to the sea again, correct? Much like his concern — it would cease to exist eventually, correct? But it lingered in the back of his mind — the fact that he could actually be ruining Wooyoung's social life.

"I'm not okay," San eventually answered. He shook his head, his eyes glossing over with foreign tears. "Wooyoung, I'm no benefit to you. All I'm doing is just… pulling you away from your friends. I'm just hurting your social status. I'm taking you away from people that matter more than me. There are millions of things you can do without me. There are better people out there that can s-support your social status. I mean, at the beginning, all I wanted was for you to notice me and see that I genuinely l-liked you. But now that it happened, I… I'm having this trivial concerns that just make me think that I really don't deserve Jung Wooyoung."

Wooyoung allowed his tears to drop down his cheeks. He remained unblinking and blank. "You're right." San looked up, his tears unfalling. "There are millions of things I can do without you. Not one of things is being happy. I'm only happy with you. And I could care less about my social status. I only want you, San. I want you to understand. It's not what Wonyoung wanted. She wanted me to be happy, which is why I chose you above everyone. It's why I chose school over basketball. I quit because I wasn't happy. She wanted me to be happy as her last wish. That's why I'm doing all this. I'm finding happiness. And I truly found it with you, Choi San."

San was sobbing gently at this point. Wooyoung reached over and pulled San into an immensely uncomfortable yet an extremely relevant hug, a hug that crushed any last worry from San's mind. He was relieved, content, reassured.

Happy.

Both of them were happy.

Both had found happiness in the swirling galaxies of their love, deep in their hearts.

And San was okay with that.

He was okay with receiving happiness from one person.

Especially if it was Jung Wooyoung.