The Test

Twelve

Lucas

It’s true, he thinks, stunned. Everything she said not ten seconds ago is true. He’s still standing there in his room, shellshocked from her rapid exit and biting words. He is jealous of Zach, and she’s astute enough to notice. He is being petulant and petty and hypocritical. He had just restrained her - and he is stopping her from being who she really is. 

He sighs and slumps down in her vacated spot, head in hands. “What’ve I done?” he mutters to himself as the light from the windows fades and dies, just like the embers of his hope.

He revoked his mentorship for a reason. He can be stronger than this. He has to be. He has to stay out of her problems, stop trying to solve them for her. He has to stop being her mentor, for good.

If that means cutting her out of his life forever, then so be it.

But, no - he imagines for a fleeting second what life would be like without her, and all he sees his a barren wasteland of sadness and pain. No colour; no life. 

He bolts to his feet, resolved. He strides over to the door, flinging it open and rushing downstairs. He passes Vi in the courtyard- “Where’s Anya?” he asks hurriedly. 

“In our room - why?” she asks, but he doesn’t stick around to answer. He’s already gone; up the stairs of the main barn and to her door; he doesn’t bother knocking, just barges straight in, which admittedly probably wasn’t the best idea. But he has to see her. He has to apologise. 

“Anya.” the sight of her undoes him; he’s on his knees at her bedside before he can blink, ignoring her pleas for him to go away. “No.” he says softly. “I’m not going away.” He pulls her into his arms, slowly, gently; “No,” he murmurs into her hair. “I’m never going away again. I’m so, so sorry. Everything you said was true - every single word. And I’m sorry for hurting you yet again.” she looks up at him then. “I’m sorry for every hurtful thing I’ve ever said to you. I truly am. I tried to cut you out of my life, which worked for approximately a week - I tried to stop you from being who you really are. I’m sorry. I can never apologise enough. And I understand if you don’t want to see me ever again; that was partly why I gave up being your mentor. So you wouldn’t have to see me if you didn’t want to after I destroyed you, over and over again. I learned, though, that I can’t cut you out of my life - though feel free to cut me out of yours, I deserve nothing less - however much I try.” his voice is soft, low, profound and true. “I can’t stay away from you; it’s impossible. And I’ve had enough of hurting you. I’ve had enough of seeing what that does to you. So I swear on my life that I - that no-one - will ever hurt you again.”

He rests his head atop hers with a sigh and stays silent while she thinks. When she finally looks up again, her eyes are full of hope. “You mean it?”

He nods. “I mean it. I will never, ever hurt you again.”

~

“Hey,” Alina says softly, slowly pushing the door to Anya’s room open some time later. “Hey,” Lucas says, looking briefly up at her before looking back down at Anya, who is now sleeping peacefully on the bed. “What did you want?” he asks softly, so as not wake Anya or antagonise the girl in the doorframe. 

“Oh, nothing,” Alina says. “I just wanted to talk to Aria, apologise for my brother’s behaviour. He hasn’t always been like this - he was once the most kind, trusting person you'll ever meet. Even more so than me."

Lucas blinks at her, bewildered; he can’t imagine Cal being any of those things. “Go on,” he says quietly, hoping she’ll divulge more. 

She sighs and sinks to the floor, gathering her knees to her chest and looking off into middle distance. 

“He was so trusting of everyone,” she says softly, tears in her voice. It’s as if he’s dead, Lucas thinks. But he is dead, in a way. The brother she knew is dead. 

“He fell in love with a girl, once - she looked a lot like Aria, actually - who had promised to hide us from the secret police after we failed our Tests. But the girl betrayed him - betrayed us. She did something that brought them to her house to search it,  and they found us. They kicked us out, the family and the secret police, and ever since Cal has never trusted anyone except me.” She sighs, then, heavily. 

“I guess when he saw Aria, something snapped inside him, and he broke. He was always looking for revenge against the girl, and I guess he thought he got it. But the girl is probably still out there and now Aria’s in a mess.” She leans her head on her knees. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, almost brokenly. “He only did it because Aria looked like her - he wouldn’t have touched her otherwise.”

“What bad luck.” Lucas mutters bitterly. “If only she didn’t look like the girl who betrayed you.”

“Haha, very funny.”

Something occurs to Lucas then. “Where’s Zach?” 

“On a raid. Didn’t he tell her?” 

His voice is hard. “No. Why would he tell you?” 

“Oh, he told me to tell Aria because he had to rush, but I must’ve forgotten…”

“He couldn’t tell her himself, like a good boyfriend?” Lucas mutters.

“He said that he doesn't like saying good-bye to people, in case he doesn’t come back,” Alina muttered. 

“Sure. Well, I’ll tell Anya where he is and we’ll see if she’s very happy with either of you.” he shoots her a shrewd glance. “And don’t think I can’t tell that you were lying to me a minute ago, when you said you must’ve forgotten to tell Anya what he told you. He didn’t just tell you goodbye, did he? What did he do?”

“Nothing.” 

“What did he do?”

“He kissed me.”

“He what?!” Lucas whisper-shouts.

“He kissed me as he was leaving, told me he didn’t love Aria - he loved me, and said he was planning to break up with her soon.”

Lucas just stares at her, stunned. “He kissed you? He cheated on Anya?”

“Whoa, whoa, no need to get so angry.”

His voice is quiet. “I have every right to get angry. You kissed Anya’s boyfriend, and he cheated on her with you.” he spat the word like venom. She flinched as if he’d burned her. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen.” 

“Sure. Everyone saw you hit on him the other day.”

“I said I was sorry!” 

His voice is soft, anger simmering just beneath the surface. 

“Sorry isn’t good enough.”