We all crave love in some way, shape, or form. There are 5 languages of love- Words of affirmation, Gifts, Quality time, Physical touch, and acts of service. Though I give all of these, personally, I crave quality time along with physical touch. There's just something about a touch from the person you love or just being around them.
It's crazy how fast we fall in love. It kind of hits you like a bus. You talk to a person once and your heart just kinda decides "Hey I'm going to start loving this person, you are going to think about them, want them, and crave them for a long time" and then god says "but they aren't going to love you back" which I think is kind of funny because no matter what you do, say, or think, you can't stop loving that person no matter what, and no matter how much you love and care for them they won't gain the same feelings.
Love is so strong, I feel like it's all we are on this earth for. We're surrounded by love everywhere.
I've been in love with one other person before I fell again. I've been through hell and back with heartbreak. I've made countless mistakes I can't take back, I've been healed and hurt by the same boy, I've had my heart crushed into a million pieces, picked up by someone I love and then slowly and painfully plucked piece by piece as I watched them grow distant. I've been at my best and my worst with someone I love. I'm no stranger to this thing we call love and though I don't completely have the hang of it I thought I had more control over it. I thought I was able to say "hey he isn't good for me" and then slowly leave the situation. But then I got in a situation where I know he isn't good for me yet I still try so god damn hard and it's never enough.
Why does this keep happening?
Why does he give me butterflies?
Why won't he love me back?
I ask myself these questions daily. Quite frequently I answer them.
I'm really stupid.
He's so goddamn wonderful.
I'm incredibly ugly and clingy.
I remind myself that we're just friends. Even though we have done things that friends I'm pretty sure don't do.
I really can't explain the love I have. I've never really felt like this before. I know it's unhealthy but, I've had worse. And I'm not sure how to handle the way he treats me. It's so confusing. I'm literally plucking a flower while he plucks the pieces of my heart.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
It's a game I like to play.
It's a game he plays. He leads me on, to be completely honest, I have told him to stop playing me and leading me on and he said he wasn't trying to. And maybe he isn't but he needs to try harder because this is getting really old. You can only play monopoly so long before someone goes bankrupt, you can only pluck my heart until there's none left, I can only pluck the pedals until all of them are at my feet. Will I end with he loves me? Or he loves me not?
That's the whole point of love. I don't know, you don't know, we all don't know, and we're all stuck in a game. Who will win? Who will cheat? Who will quit?
All a mystery.
