Clock Hands

Sometimes, It is Time to Let Go

When you love someone so much, and it's not enough... it's devastating. You go through this cycle of thinking that you're not good enough and then trying even harder to prove that you are. It's a cognitive loop that has you stuck doing the same shit expecting different results. Didn't Einstein say that was the definition of madness? Why keep torturing yourself? Let that shit go.

Sometimes, it is time to let go. 

The thing I had to let go to finish healing myself was a subconscious thought/desire personified into another person, my Twin Flame. I was so in love with him. I drew him a portrait and wrote lyrics of songs that we used to listen to together and made the portrait a polaroid that said "Memories" at the bottom of it. This was the legging go. I gave him the picture and told him to keep it, burn it, throw it away... I don't care anymore. Why did I do this? Because it doesn't fucking matter anymore. I don't need his approval. I loved him. I put my soul into him, and he is too terrified to think for himself. I'm letting his fear and anxiety hold me captive the longer I feed into it and hold onto it trying desperately to love and be loved.

But that's not what works. I have struggled to love myself for years. And if I were to paint an accurate picture of what that's like, it would be the situation described above. Fear and anxiety have gotten in the way subconsciously of me dropping the walls I built up even for myself to access the best parts of me. Letting go of fear and anxiety dropped those barriers instantly, and I felt the writer's block disappear, and I felt my confidence and love flow through my entire body straight into my fingertips. I have a lot to say. I'm an introspective person. I'm pretty in a natural unsuspecting way. I like what I like and there is nothing wrong with me.

I love me.

If he comes back, he will have missed out on the greatest thing that could have happened. But, he also learned his lesson and got to grow from the indecisive hollow banter of bullshit that he allowed himself to habit. I wish you the best, my love... I do hope you find your way.

Sometimes... it is time to let go.