I don't want to give Seolhyun false hope anymore, I want her to move on from me. I can't give her a chance because I'm still in love with Tiffany and I don't think that it will fade away.
Me and Seolhyun are just the same. Our situation is just the same. We need time for this and I can't promise her anything. It's better if I just let her go. We're better off this way, as friends.
After the encounter with Seolhyun, I went back to my dorm unit.
As I entered, I saw Tiffany was sitting on her bed and her feet were on the floor.
Good thing that she has her own bed now. Maybe the caretaker moved her stuffs here this morning when we were at school.
She turned to me and our eyes met but I quickly looked away as I walked to my cabinet. I removed my jacket but still, I could feel her stare.
"Taeyeon... let's talk." Tiffany said. I could hear seriousness in her voice.
I sighed exasperatedly "Let's talk tomorrow."
"No, let's talk now," she firmly stated.
I turned to her bored "I'm tired."
Tiffany's forehead creased then she stood up "Why are you being like this Taeyeon? I don't understand why are you treating me like this!"
"Just simple. I don't like you," I harshly retorted then I shrugged nonchalantly.
I remained my straight face though I could see how hurt she was. Something was constricting my stomach.
"Oh yeah? But you really looked interested in me when you saw me at the concert. I can still remember your face that time Kim Taeyeon," Tiffany sarcastically reminded.
I mirthlessly laughed "Because I thought you were someone-"
"Who's that someone huh?!
"You don't have to know."
"Why? Am I reminding you of someone special?" She dared.
I remained silent.
Tiffany's jaw clenched "Someone that you love?"
"Why do you care? It's none of your business!" I raised my voice.
"So you're into girls," she assumed.
"So what? You don't like to be infected? Then leave me alone!" I countered. My hands balled into fists.
Tiffany pulled her hair "Fuck Taeyeon! I don't care about that! I don't care if you're like that!"
I frowned. It's not a big deal to her?
"Are you and Seolhyun dating?" she said with an attitude.
"As I said, it's none of your business." I remained calm but deep inside, I was shaking.
"Bullshit Taeyeon!" She yelled as she walked near me. "I don't know why are you being like this but I hate it. I don't like the way you treat me!" She punched my chest few times but there wasn't much force. "Why? I just want to be with you."
"Just stick with your boyfriend," I bitterly said.
Tiffany frowned "Boyfriend? Nick?" She laughed.
"What's funny?" I scowled.
"You're jealous," she claimed.
"Huh?"
Tiffany pushed me on the wall "Nick is not my boyfriend. He's my cousin. He's just playing around."
"What?" I asked incredulously.
"Nick Young. My full name is Tiffany Young Hwang. My mother and his father are siblings," she clarified as she piped down.
My eyes widened. They are not together. Shit. There's this little hope in my heart again. It's back.
"I don't know Taeyeon but there's this feeling that I can't explain. When the first time I saw you, my heart beats like it would burst and there are butterflies in my stomach whenever I see you. What's this? You seem very familiar to me," she stared at my lips briefly then back to my eyes.
Her stare sent shivers up and down my spine. I was a bit slow on the uptake to comprehend what was happening.
Her heart still remember me, I became so choked up that I was unable to reply.
"Please say something," she whispered.
Instead of talking, I leaned forward to her and captured her soft luscious lips.
I missed this so much.
But before I could move, Tiffany abruptly jerked away breaking the kiss.
I looked at her, she seemed shocked and confused.
"Tiffany..."
"No... why did... no..." Realization was drawn all over her face. "It's okay if you are into girls but I'm not like this. What's happening? Why did you do that?!"
I feel bad for her, I confused her more. She doesn't remember anything but her heart feels it. But I shouldn't have forced her.
"I'm sorry Tiffany... just forget it. It's just nothing," it meant everything to me. I really miss you.
"What? Nothing? But you kissed me! And I'm not like you!" She irritably shouted.
Why did I kiss her? Did I expect that the sparks between us will come back even if she doesn't remember me? Definitely, yes.
How pathetic I am...
"I'm sorry, it will never happen again," I took a pair of pajamas from my cabinet.
"Are you serious?! Just like that? You stole my first kiss!"
It's not your first kiss.
"I promise, no one will know it. Now... please, leave me alone and stop bugging me," I bluntly replied then I went to the bathroom.
I leaned my back on the door.
It hurts me so fucking much.
Tiffany isn't the same anymore but I should be tough and accept the situation.
I guess being numb helps me how not to react much.
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