dysphoria

goals

i have a lisp, everyone knows

so this year, one of my goals

is to get rid of it

i've been trying, yeah

and so what if my progress is slow?

do they expect me to succeed by tomorrow?

"hey, alexa! say mississippi again!"

so i  say it, trying to keep my tongue in

forcing my tongue to stay behind my teeth

clenching my teeth so hard my jaw is weak

and they laugh

so i laugh

because it's funny, isn't it?

"mithithippi."

and everyone exaggerates it,

makes it seem worse than it already is

the more they make fun of it,

the harder i seem to lisp

because i'm all too aware

too conscious

that words never come out right

earlier today, someone told me

"you'll never be able to speak any language right."

and it's true.

"if you were really trying, why do you still have your lisp?"

what can i say to that?

"you're not trying hard enough, why don't you hire a speech therapist?"

it's like my lisp annoys everyone

it annoys me too

but i'll always be remembered as lisp girl,

even when it's long, long gone

so what's the point in trying

if  it's known by everyone?