The Lost and Lonely

Its my Destiny

Day 12

My home village, gone, my family, gone, everything I knew, gone. The only thing left of my life is me. I'll miss my old life, it was the good years. Now I'm in Carnival Row, the place to be when your home is ruined. But here we are met with challenges and hatred. If you try to hide you are found. It's even harder when you can't hide your pointy ears or wings.

I'm this strange world I'm called a monster, an unnatural being. I would leave this dreadful place, but I've nowhere to go. And as much as I hate it there is something keeping me here, someone. I know that I could never leave here, not until I've made them hate me. Otherwise I would leave not knowing the possibilities of what could have happened.

Alas sweet Gaven Meyers is a man, it's forbidden love. But I can't help to feel butterflies when he calls my name, Destiny. For I feel as though I've fallen deep in love, but I know not if he feels the same. Unlikely as he could have any who he pleases. Gaven is a handsome man, who is known for his looks and his heart. If I were to ever reveal my feelings what reaction would I get? Laughter or anger, mistrust or disgust. No I cannot allow myself to think this way. For dear Gaven Meyers will never know my true feelings, I value him too much.

I must control myself, my feelings. Be a proper lady, that's what I am after all.

Day 34

I still stay in this place, without war and yet not peace. My home has started to feel more like a home, less like a place. But without family there is still a hole in my heart. That hole, that hole that could be filled. But it can't be filled with anyone other than one forbidden.

My feelings for dear Gaven Meyers have grown, not shrunk. We continue to talk and meet, as much as it pains me. I feel like I am floating in clouds anytime I'm with him. My only wish is that he would feel the same.

Or maybe hate me. Then I could leave Carnival Row with no pain. Well at least the pain of him hating me. But Gaven is too sweet to dislike me, much less hate me. So still I must hide my feelings even though anytime he says my name, Destiny, I feel like I'm on cloud 9.

But, as I've mentioned before, I must control myself. I cannot let my feelings get in the way of friendship and a safe home. So I continue to fool myself into thinking that I don't feel this way. Alas I don't know how much longer I can last, especially with nobody to talk with about me true feelings.

Day 57

I am having over Gaven for supper tonight. I will cook and we will talk. It will be a lovely night. I have known him since I've come to Carnival Row and still he enjoys my company. Even with him as a dear friend it helps to fill the hole my family left. No longer do I feel lonely, it's as if I have a new family to be with. Not that anyone could replace my family, that's not possible.

So tonight I shall cook a lovely, yet simple, meal for us to share. He claims he will bring some wine for a drink as we talk. I still love Gaven Meyers but at least I know how to control my feelings, now I must go make supper. For my one secret forbidden love.

Day 57
21:48 o'clock

I've had a night I would never imagine. Gaven came for supper as planned and it was lovely, just perfect. He was splendid company at the table, but the we sat down to talk.

We were both having a wonderful night, enjoying each other's company. So we got to talking about all sorts of things. Our latest books, the plays we've seen. Just some gossip even, we have never been big on gossip. It was one of the best times of my life. But I'm not even at the best part.