I could disappear. I could fade into the background. As though I was never even there. I’m sure my presence for the brief time that we had together was not something that you still need now. I don’t know if I would do this again? If I could go back to when I first talked to you or when I said “Yes” to hanging out with you and your friends, I think I would want to. I would tell myself everything that would happen that if I go any further, if I choose to go down this road. At the end when I finally tell myself how it all ends how it really does end, at first I would begin to start to stop and avoid you at all cost, but on the other hand maybe it would have been nice to know. Maybe it would have been nice to know. Yes, now I hate how things are, how I want to see you and hang out with you but it just doesn’t feel the same. However if I leave I lose you still and if I stay you are still lost.
I remember when I would walk into the café and not have friends to sit with and I was alright with that, I’m comfortable by myself, I have grown accustom to it. Actually your friend group always sat where I wanted to sit, that was my favorite spot in the café. But if I walked into the café now, there are friends to sit with, there is conversation to be had and I was never good in groups.
I never went upstairs. I did but not as often as I do now. There was no reason to be up there. I had no reason. Then I had you. Now again I have no reason to be up there. I will come back from school and only have to go to my room. I truly don’t like it this way, it was nice, us was nice. It was.
I feel as though I am being crazy and I also feel that I’m hurting you. I remember when the silence was fine, because I knew you were still there but now you feel far away. It is because you are, you are far away and I think I am alright with you becoming even further away.
You won’t miss me. I don’t want you to. I do miss you now. And I don’t want to.
-LoveChatty
