Love Is All She Needs

Chapter 38 - I'm Sorry

Songs:
- Hey Jude (Anthology)

Charlie went home that night, feeling lighter than she had in months. She continued to think about George's song for hours. She wondered if she'd had anything to do with it being written. David was sitting in an arm chair, writing notes in some trumpet scores. Charlie put her coat on the hook and slipped her shoes off.

"Hey." She said quietly.

"Hey." He replied, without looking up. Charlie approached him and knelt down in front of him on the floor.

"What's going on?" He asked. Charlie quietly took the scores from his lap and put them off to the side, then took David's hands. "Charlie?"

"I'm sorry." She said, carefully. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Where is this coming from?"

"We've never talked about the miscarriage. We've never even talked about the pregnancy. We've never had secrets. So I'm sorry that I've been this way. And I love you."

David nodded.

"I was worried..." David started. "On our honeymoon, when you said you weren't ready to have kids... I was worried it meant you'd never want them. I guess when I found out you were two months along, I assumed things about what you were going to do with it... And what, with your father being the way he is, and your mother having passed, I was scared that you would never want to have children because it would be too hard."

"And I was scared that I wouldn't be cut out for it. Of course it's going to be hard. But I know I'll be okay with you. I haven't really had good parental role models recently. But I have you. David, I want to have your kids, I want to be a mother. I was just terrified I'd never be a good enough mother. But you make me want to try. And you make me want to try again someday."

"Charlie, are you okay? I mean, really, truly okay? Miscarriage can take a toll on the body and the mind and..."

"I am now. Where is that coming from?"

"A combination of love and... my mother had several miscarriages when I was a kid. I watched her suffer for years because of it. You know I'm an only child, but that's not a badge I wear proudly. It was because my mother couldn't keep a pregnancy." David said, stroking Charlie's hair. "It drove her mad for a while. She was hospitalized for depression."

"David... I never knew." 

"I'm sorry I never told you." His voice was low and husky. It was obviously a difficult thing for him to talk about. Charlie took his hand.

"I can't wait to have your children, David." She whispered.

David pulled her into his lap, she curled up tightly and put her arms around his neck.

"So... where do we go from here?" David asked.

Charlie smiled.

"We could go to the bedroom." She said, slyly. She suddenly realized it had been *months* since they'd had sex, and she suddenly realized how bad she wanted it.

She noticed how bad David wanted it, too.

"All the way to the bedroom? What if I don't want to wait?" David said, scooping Charlie up in his arms. Charlie laughed as he dropped her on the sofa.

***

October, 1968

"Macca, I could have written a song for my own son, y'know."

"It's not about you, Johnny, it's about Julian. I know you can write a song for him, but I decided to. He's like a son to me, and none of this has been easy for him."

They had been fighting in the car on the way to Apple and didn't stop throughout the process of setting up the studio. Charlie rolled her eyes when they walked in, because you could hear it from four rooms over. George and Ringo shook their heads sadly.

"Well, good for you, but it wasn't necessary."