I'm feeling just fine\\JJKxBTS

Chapter 18~

WARNING MIGHT CONTAIN TOPICS THAT SOME READERS MAY FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Jungkook's POV 

"..okay" I take a deep breath in "I'm ready"

"Ready, what do you mean Jungkook?" Namjoon asked me.

I didn't answer him, I just walked to the living room, expecting everyone to follow me. And they did. My hands and feet start to shake, I was nervous.  I didn't really know how to start. And my hyungs definitely noticed and put the pieces together, they realized I was going to tell them.. about me.

"Jungkook, are you sure you're ready, you're shaking a lot." Taehyung worriedly asks.

"Yes, if I don't do it now, ill never do it," I reply. And take off my jacket.

I inhale deeply and tears start forming, just by the mere thought of the topic I was going to talk about.

"Hey, Jungkookie, don't cry, just relax, are you sure your okay w-"

"I'm fine," I say.

"Okay so.. ill start now." I say wiping away my tears. Everyone looks anxious, not knowing what I am about to say. I look down at my hands, close my eyes, take a deep breath in. And I begin.

"This all started about a month or two ago. I felt under pressure with everything, dance practice was too much and I couldn't handle anything, but that wasn't too bad, everyone has hard times. I thought that it would pass, but the problem is, it didn't. Till this day, I am always under pressure. It's like I've been stuck at the bottom of a pit, no rope, no ladder, no way out. And the main cause I later realized was the phrase that is usually linked with me, 'Golden Maknae'. After I received the name, I always force myself to live up to the standards of the name, but I don't know if I can-" 

My voice starts breaking as I choke on my tears. 

"-I don't know if I ever will. I always push myself and I know that, but the problem is, I can't stop. I want to stop, but I cant. So I started visiting my old friend who happens to be a doctor, so every now and then I visit him and talk about my problems, I cant talk with you guys becasue I was afraid that you would judge me or blame yourselves. Which you shouldn't because it's my problem, so please don't blame yourselves okay? I'll deal with my problems, but I just thought you guys deserve to know."

I end my speech and look up at my hyungs, but they didn't say a word, they just looked at me in shock. I wipe away my tears as I stand up.

"Sorry, I guess you guys aren't ready, I'll tell you again later. Why am I so dumb and selfish." I say as i walk towards my room.

As I was walking, someone jumped on me and back-hugged me. 

"Jungkook, you're so naive," the voice said. I looked behind me and it was my kidnapper.

Oh no

It's back

He's back

I jump out of his arms and look back at him.

It was Jimin.

"What's wr-"

"W-what did you say?" I stutter

"I said, 'You're so brave," Jimin said with a worried expression.

Everyone looked at me and started to come towards me, concerned about my mental state, when all of a sudden, I hear a voice, the voice.

"What are you doing,  get up"

"Jungkookie, are you okay

"You're such a failure"

"Jungkookie answer me"

I block my ears and close my eyes, in the hope to cover all the noises. But it only blocks my hyungs' voices, not my head's.

It keeps on messing with me. Until I just scream.

"STOP!" I open my eyes and everyone looks scared and very concerned.

I start crying uncontrollably. And the voice disappears.

"WHY ME, WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL!" I shout. All my hyungs give eachother worried expressions.

But I think all the shouting and the voices, gave me a huge headache, or maybe it's just my unlucky, trashy self.

I start to get lightheaded, I stand up in the hope it will get better but it doesn't. It gets worse. Wait my pills, JunHyung told me to take them when I get strong migraines. I can't seem to find the pills. I need my hyungs.

"Jungkook-ah what's wrong, Talk to me!"

"P-pills." I stutter.

"Pills?! you need pills, Okay we will look for them." Jin Hyung says and everyone rushes off looking everywhere and looking through my jacket.

My head starts spinning faster and faster, my eyes are as heavy as lead and I feel like I'm going to die, I slowly walk over to the first person I see, I think it was Jimin.

"H-Hyung.." I slurred, and I brushed my arms lightly on his shoulder, as my limp body falls onto him.

"Do you need anything Jungko- JUNGKOOK!" That was the last thing I heard before the familiar darkness welcomed me once again.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I UPDATEDDD SORRY ITS A BIT LATE,, BUT ITS AN UPDATE :))) HoPe You EnjOyEd!