The Smallest Parallel

Chapter 14

Marguerite spent the next day in the park, laying alongside Geoffrey and meditating on her recent choices. She had spent the previous night meditating on her desire to live versus the cost of living. She'd spent most of her life merely existing in this state of unreality. She wondered if she was ready to embrace life for what it was.

            Geoffrey held her hand, not speaking but still there, supporting her through her thought process. She decided then that Geoffrey deserved to hear her thoughts for what they were. He was, of course, her best friend. Despite their time apart, they somehow managed to come together once again. He didn't feel like a stranger.

            "I think that there's only one option here, Geoffrey."

            He turned to face her, narrowly avoiding the hole in the middle of their worn picnic blanket. She wondered if he was in love with her; she wondered if they could be friends without the strange tension this time around. All she wanted from him was his friendship.

            "I think that I have to embrace whatever life I have left. This means that I should focus more on what I enjoy, and I hope you can support that. Maybe I'll get another job. I always wanted to teach art. Or maybe I'll take a poetry class; I always enjoyed that as well."

            Geoffrey laughed at her.

            "Marguerite. I don't think there was a hobby you didn't enjoy."

            Because Marguerite had chosen not to undergo treatment, she knew that these moments were the ones that she would have to treasure. She would have to start grounding her memories in reality or they would always be clouded by some fantasy that hadn't actually occurred.

            This moment in the park was the beginning of a long and winding road toward the end. She wasn't afraid. People died all the time. But she didn't want to die never having lived her actual life. The constant fleeing from reality had gotten old. She decided that she'd stop picturing people as fairies and other mythical creatures and learn to live with the mundanity of it all. Geoffrey would be her guide. He'd always been a realist.

            "We could go skydiving," she said.

            "Can we talk about the risks first?"

            She laughed at his response. She was glad that he, too had recently decided to give life a try, though his circumstances were quite different. Geoffrey had quit his job and had begun training at the police academy. It was his first step on the way to becoming a detective. She was proud of him. She'd also had the hope that he would continue making these improvements, even after her death.

            She didn't want Geoffrey to put his life on pause for her, so she did her best to hide her sickness away. They never talked about her nights spent bent over the toilet or in bed with constant pain, and she maintained a healthy enough appearance with the use of cosmetics and feigned smiles. Yes, it hurt, but she couldn't be a hindrance on Geoffrey's path to greatness. His father's death had been holding him back for so long.

            "I'm finally happy with the choices I'm making," he had said.

            She smiled at him, genuinely. She was upset with herself for feeling pain in this situation. She was faced with her own mortality, and she actually was afraid, but she would never admit that fear to herself or to Geoff. She pressed the fear down inside of herself, and she instead focused on supporting her friend.

            Marguerite also spent that day with Adrien, going over his proposal once again and deciding if it was worth going through with in order to extend her life. Who was she to decide when her life would come to an end? Was it natural to want to push back the inevitability of death?