001 ¦ GRAY
BOYXBOY
IMPLICATION OF A PREVIOUS GAY RELATIONSHIP.
CREATED / ABOUT TWO OR THREE MONTHS AGO
It was a rainy day ,"Pitter, Patter" said the rain as it hit the window of the bar, in the bar sat a man in his mid 30s, his once slicked back hair a mess, his eyes dull and underneath them were harsh eye bags from late nights of work but they were sleepless nights as well. He stared out with emotionless with a glass cup of ice cold beer in his rough hands. His once perfectly ironed business shirt and perfectly fixed tie are now a disheveled shirt with a loose tie.
"Ah, John good to see you again." A voice spoke out to the emotionless, exhausted man with his beer.
The emotionless man with the name of John turned around after hearing his name and was met with a face to the voice that had called out to him.
The voice belonged to Tobias, his really close friend since childhood. His smile was still just as bright, his mocha eyes stared back at him with an emotion almost unexplainable to John, he looked so euphoric but yet even that word couldn't even describe it.
He sat next to John but before speaking he looked over to the bartender "Can I have just a water please?" Tobias spoke,
John smirked lightly at this. "Still not a big drinker huh Tobias?" John spoke before taking a big gulp of his beer. Tobias looked at him and smiled once more, a smile that makes John melt inside. He just loved the way his eyes would smile along too, it brought a bit of happiness to the said 'emotionless' man.
"You know me so well John." Tobias spoke letting out a light laugh, John lazily smiled but his smile soon faded before he responds once more."What brings you here Tobias? You hate bars." John questioned in a dull tone.
"Well John, your girlfriend called me she was quite worried about you, you know. She practically was crying on the phone begging me to go out and find you. I of course being the kind man I am, complied to helping with solving mystery of the disappearance of my best friend and look mystery solved you're here!" Tobias explained.
"Jane is nowhere near my girlfriend so you can head on home now." John spat out bluntly before taking the final gulp of his beer and setting the now empty glass down onto the table, silently signalling to the bartender that he wants another shot. The bartender agrees and pours him another drink.
"Ah, so you're leading Jane on?" Tobias asked curiously, finally taking a sip of his water. John shrugged. "I wouldn't call it that. Jane knows I don't feel that way 'about her but she just really wants to try things out with me." John stated in his usual dull tone, There was comfortable silence between the two before John had finally spoke again.
"Tobias, if I hadn't been so chicken and had actually asked you out what do you think would've happened?" He asked.
Tobias would've lied if he had said he wasn't surprised by the sudden question that slipped past John's lips.
"John, if I'm being honest. Our relationship wouldn't have gone far." Tobias stated as he looked down at the floor.
John was nonetheless surprised by this statement. "What do you mean." He stated not as a question but more of a demand, John wanted to know.
Tobias sighed, "John, you're such a people pleaser and you care way too much. You let everyone walk all over you, I know it sounds harsh but it's true. John, you're terrified of this kind of relationship, you are so afraid of how people will perceive you." Tobias responded.
John scoffed, "I mean how the hell can I not be afraid? My whole life has been revolved around pleasing people, making people happy but hell look where that's brought me now. Here I am sitting here hiding from a girl my parents want me to be with, working a job that my Dad wanted me to work that I absolutely fucking hate." John ranted before taking a gulp of his beer.
"Fuck, Tobias I would kill to be like you. So confident, happy all the damn time. So fun to be around, actually enjoying what you do. God if I wasn't so fucked up maybe things would be easier." John continued his rant, slightly slurring his words a bit, a sign of his drunkenness.
Tobias, sighed feeling guilty for his previous comment. "John, please. You know better than me that's far from who I am. Also, John I think it's time you stop all of this, stop trying to make your parents and everyone else happy. John, you're not okay, I can see that. You're slowly breaking, please I really can't witness you like this." Tobias spoke, pausing for a moment before speaking again, in a more silent voice.
"It hurts too much." He continued, John at this point couldn't even respond. He had no strength too. He knew that what Tobias was saying was true. His whole life had been revolved around making the people in his life happy.
He barely knew what he liked, what he enjoyed. What he wanted to do with his life.
He's 30 years old and still doesn't know what to do with his life.
That took him out, John let out choked sobs, hiding himself from the mocha eyed male, who's eyes widened at the sudden outburst of choked sobs.
"John, I'm so sorry. Forget what I had said, I didn't mean it in that way."
John wiped his eyes with his sleeve."But your right Tobias, I am a people pleaser, if I wasn't like this i would've had the courage to come out to my parents or even tell them that I didn't feel that way about Jane and I would've been able to tell you how I felt about you. But instead I didn't do any of those things and look at me now."
"My life is so dull and gray"
a/n : this isn't my best work tbh, i was in a really dark place when i wrote this so it sort of came out weird, hope you still like it anyways :)
