And Then it Happened

21

I walked into school the next day, backpack slung over my right shoulder and phone in my left hand. It was just another ordinary day in my life. Until it wasn't.

I hadn't realized what had happened until lunch time. I walked into the cafeteria and made my way to the 'normal' table me and my friends always sat at. I was the first one to the table, so I was currently sitting at the table by myself with a water bottle and a gross looking burger I had gotten from the snotty lunch lady. About a minute passes by before Makayla makes her way to the table too. She sets down her lunch tray loudly, startling me.

"Has Syd told you yet?" Makayla asks me, her green eyes wide.

I furrow my brows in confusion, taking in her standing form. "No?" I calmly state. "Why, what happened with Sydney?"

Makayla finally sits down and she leans across the table, her face a mere foot away from mine. Normally, I would have backed up to get more personal space, but I had a feeling that what she was about to tell me was extremely important.

"She and Cameron broke up last night."

I feel my stomach plummet. My ears felt like they were ringing. Did I hear her right? "What!?" I ask.

"Yeah, Cameron met up with her last night and he broke up with her! Crazy, right?"

"Yeah, I would have never seen it coming. They seemed so happy yesterday... I wonder why he broke up with her," I say.

"I know! But yeah, I just wanted to tell you that incase you hadn't heard because she probably isn't in the best mood right now, obviously – you know, given her situation and all..." Makayla says, and backs away from my face, sitting normally so she could take a sip of her drink.

I was shocked at the breakup; well, actually shocked would be an understatement. But the biggest shocker of all was that I was hearing about this through Makayla and not Sydney. Why had Sydney told Makayla and not me? Did she know I had secretly been crushing on him this whole time? Was she mad at me? My mind was racing a hundred miles a minute.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't realize Sydney was at our table until I heard her talking to me.

"Huh?" I ask, dazed.

I take in Sydney's appearance, and the weirdest thing was she seemed fine. She seemed totally kempt and pulled-together, unlike how she was with her last breakup a few months ago before she met Cameron. Her long blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders, falling in little ringlets. She had applied a dark mascara to her eyelashes, tinting them darker. Her eyes were clear and there was no indication she had been crying earlier.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Sydney repeats, shoving her hands in the pockets of her tight blue skinny jeans. "Alone?"

I freeze. Oh no. Here it is, she knew. She knew how I felt, and we were finally having a confrontation about it. I was so stupid for thinking she would never find out. I feel my cheeks burn hot, turning a light pink shade.

"Uh... y-yeah, sure," I stutter.

I push my chair back and stand up and turn to look at Makayla. I see her look between me and Sydney with confusion and concern, but she says nothing.

Sydney starts to walk out of the cafeteria, and I follow. When we eventually reach a secluded part of a random hallway, Sydney stops in her tracks and turns back to face me. I inhale sharply and wait for her to speak.

"Have you heard?" She asks quietly.

I swallow and nod my head slowly. "Yeah, Mak told me second ago..." I trail off. I have no clue how this conversation will play out and I'm terrified. "A-are you okay?"

Sydney looks down at the ground and sighs, letting her blond hair tumble down around her face. Her fingers fidget with the frayed ends of her baby blue sweater she was currently wearing. "Yeah, honestly I saw it coming," she mumbles as she looks back up to look at me; her sea-green orbs pierce mine and swirl with emotion. "There were all these signs you know..."

"Signs?" I ask. "What do you mean? You guys seemed so great yesterday, I mean you were all giggly and touchy-feely." I say, trying not to sound bitter, although I'm not sure how well that worked.

She gives me the ghost of a sad smile and I can tell she's trying to hold it in for my sake as her pale, pink lips tremble slightly. "Yeah I thought so too. Yesterday was one of the good days. I thought that despite all the red flags, I thought maybe we could make it through..." I hear her sharply inhale before she continues. "But then after he talked to you yesterday, I could tell something had changed in him. And I guess last night kind of confirmed my fears I had been having this whole time." Sydney states.

"Fears?" I probe. "Sydney why did you never tell any of us this?"

"I was hoping I was just being self-conscious or a worry-wart. I thought maybe I was just being paranoid and that I should just enjoy the present and not worry about it. But there were just so many signs Rach...I feel so dumb. Did you know that he talked about you constantly?" She asks.

My eyes widen before I make a face. "What? Why would he do that?"

Sydney nods. "Yeah, all the time. He somehow found a way to weave you into nearly every topic, and I don't even think he noticed it. I think it was his subconscious talking because whenever I pointed it out, he seemed shocked. And sometimes when we were all hanging out in a group like at lunch and stuff, I'd catch him looking at you when he thought you weren't paying attention. So yeah, I saw it coming."

My stomach flutters nervously. This was all news to me, and I had no idea what to even say - a theme that was increasingly becoming common throughout this conversation.

"Sydney I swear I had no clue, I totally thought he was into you..."

She cuts me off and grimaces. "Y-you... you didn't do anything with...yknow, him. Right?"

"God, Syd no, never! You're my best friend, I would never ever do anything with one of your boyfriends!" I exclaim.

Sydney exhales and nods. "Okay, right, you're right. I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked, I should know you'd never do anything like that. God, I'm sorry. I'm just all sorts of fucked up right now. I'm just so mad at myself that I still stayed with him... despite everything and seeing the way he looked at you. I thought if I tried hard enough, I could be enough for him. I wanted to prove that for once I could have someone actually like me and not just for my body. Does that make me selfish?"

I sigh. "Oh Sydney, I'm so sorry..." I reach forward and wrap my arms around her and slowly squeeze, embracing in a warm hug. Her hair tickles my nose as I rest my head on her shoulder. "You're not selfish, I promise you. You're more deserving of a real love than anyone I know. And he's an idiot for breaking up with you, you're amazing."

Sydney hugs me back, squeezing lightly before pulling away. "Thanks Rach, I appreciate it. I'm really sorry I even suggested that you would hook up with him. I know you wouldn't do that."

My heart squeezes in my chest. I feel so guilty, knowing that even though I never did anything with Cameron while he was dating Sydney, I still had feelings with him. And honestly, I didn't know if that made it any better.  The guilt was starting to eat me alive. I had to tell her... I had to!