heaven

dear love,

Dear Love,

Where are you when I need you most? Why do I have to yearn for a presence such as yours? Why do I have to beg for you, when others do not? What have I done that has made me unworthy of your affection, of your beauty, your time? Is it inadequacy on my part? Am I not good enough for as much as a glance? From what I have heard love is priceless. Yet you price yourself at amounts you know I will never be able to pay. Just so I will not, so I can not, have you to call mine.

Do you accept tears as a payment? I have no money to give to you, but the number of tears that have been shed for you must equal your price. You have made yourself a luxury in my life that I have yet to afford. You give me a taste of what could be, but before I can bask in the joy and contentment, you snatch yourself away from my clutches. In those moments, my disappointment and pain hold me in their arms and never let me go. Their caresses lull me to sleep when I exert myself from crying over you. Or should I say lack of?

If this is the pain that I must go through to receive you, then I do not want you. I do not want you if you plan on holding me as a prisoner in your arms.

Sincerely,

A Lover

this piece was inspired by my feelings towards my father, beginning by addressing his love. in the piece, i speak to him indirectly and ask him numerous questions that had kept me up some nights. i conclude by saying that his love wasn't worth my tears nor my pain, but at that time i didn't even believe that. thankfully, it's different now.