In Loving Memory

An End Is Just A Beginning

We arrived early in the morning as the sun was barely peeking out through the trees. There were more people than I'd ever seen in one place before, I recognized a few, but didn't know most, and I hoped to get to know all of these people very well. I hadn't known this girl, I don't think anyone could say they knew her, not after everything that happened this past year. God, what even happened this year? Everything changed. It all happened so fast, and was all over too early.

Two empty letters, and two empty envelopes are clutched in my hand. I crumple them in a tight fist, hurling it all into the flames of the great bonfire before me. After it bounced off some wood, the ball of paper landed at the bottom. It caught fire and turned to ash in a matter of seconds. Too soon, too soon, all of it too soon. Before I can do anything about it, tears stream down my face, silent and hot.

The flames lick at the stars. Fire danced in everyone's eyes, the warmth caressing our cheeks. I check my phone. The time reads 11:39 and it's December 29th. December 29th... two more days. We were all ready for two more days. Too soon, too fast. I glance around. I can only recognize a few faces in the sea of scattered people around the looming fire. How many people are here? Is the person that sent out the box here? Who was close to her? Did she have any real friends? Are they here? Who was a stranger to her?

I shake my head. No, I won't allow myself to think like that. I know where those thoughts lead, we all do. No more questions. I can't do that today, maybe tomorrow, but not today. Today is for something else, something internal, cracked and empty.

I shouldn't be here.

I turn quickly to leave when a voice breaks the blanket of silence that had been consuming, and eating at us all individually since our arrival to the forest, the final place of rest, a quiet place meant for celebration. Over the crackling of the fire a quiet and firm voice is loud. I can hear it through my body, in my ears, my chest, and my heart.

"Hello" Said the voice. How can someone talk at a time like this? None of us have brought ourselves to make the smallest of sounds yet this person is speaking to us as an entirety.

"We all know why we are here. This part wasn't planned.. I know. Yesterday we lost something that we had all been holding onto a little too tightly. I know that there are many mixed emotions among the crowd, but please don't forget why we're here." There was a short pause as if the speaker was regaining breath for some reason or regaining composure.

"I found something out about a friend, something that they kept hidden and locked away from the rest of the world. I found out and it felt so wrong. I decided to keep this secret as my own, including my knowledge about it. Time passed and I knew I had to do something. It was bad and I couldn't keep that weight on my shoulders forever. So I did something. I came up with a plan and I executed it without this person or anyone else's knowledge. I started something. I gathered boxes and papers and pens and envelopes, and it all arrived on each of your doorsteps, with some instructions inside, and nothing else. It was horrible and cruel, but I forced my own hand.., and I gave it a horrible name in my mind, a name that will haunt me until my time is up...

I called it Project In Loving Memory."