Hi, so it's my first year of high school and i've been in at for 7 weeks, and every guy smells like axe and every girl smells like some sort of bath and body works vanilla scent. those 2 smells mixed together is not cute.
I haven't really gone to like a real party yet, although i did go to a birthday party and a guy did kind of try to touch my ass, multiple times. This kid is like 5 feet though, so i'm not really interested in him.
My goal by the end of freshman year is to have sex, and lose my virginity, there is a halloween party coming up soon at *** *****'s house, and ****** is going to be there, but *** can get annoying so I don't really want to fucking go.
Every guy in my class, talks about jacking off and it makes me hella uncomfortable. Especially when the added me to their snapchat groupchat, where they were comparing dick sizes. I guess they wanted a girls opinion on who had the nicest dick, but to be honest, I wouldn't fuck any of them.
**** is still making rude remarks about my body and my looks. but i catch ****** staring at me sometimes, so i think I should just ask him out, but I'm scared to do anything because I don't want to be humiliated.
I just wish high school was easy like middle and elementary, but it isn't. There's all this sexual pressure, (I'm literally the only fucking virgin in my class besides from the christian girl.) There's pressure to drink, and vape, and smoke. And on top of that we have actual school to worry about. I just hope these 4 years fly by... and they will, if i just get over my fucking anxiety and talk to ******.
We have every single class the same (except phys-ed), not even on purpose either so i guess that means we have something in common.
It's just I'm the weird theatre geek, who loves ariana grande. and he's the hot popular athlete who every girl wants... and so do i.
I mean I don't even know why he would like me I'm so fucking ugly. I'm fat, and sometimes I wish I could've been born in the right body, because being transgender in high school fucking sucks.
I have J, my absolute best friend, who is starting to hang out with the popular girls. So I'm alone again.
Plus, Everyone still calls me by my dead name and uses male pronouns, which annoys me. Even if they don't do it on purpose. And then they try and make it seem like it's hard for them that I'm transitioning. Like, it isn't, I'm the one that has to go through a painful surgery just to be who I want to be.
I don't know, I'm done writing.
