Katie the cabbage

All the students rushed into the class, cheeks rosy from the crisp autumn day- a day which had a song-like quality to it as the leaves danced to the gentle blow of the wind. For a moment, everything stood still as the students eagerly anticipated the upcoming lesson, a lesson that promised an abundance of new knowledge. At that point, Katie slobbered in, wearing the same green leggings she wore from year 2006. Even her parents tried to convince her once or twice to go out and buy something different, or even just to wash the ones she owned. But nothing seemed to work. She wanted to exude a sense of garbage, that she thought would fit her perfectly. Her tragic outfit complemented her tragic personality, one which she summed up by stating how perfect she was in comparison to all the mere mortals that surrounded her in the seminar room.

Whenever she contributed to the lesson, her graspy sounding voice filled the room and polluted it with the minty scent that followed her. In fact, she was constantly chewing minty scented gum that she chewed with pride, keeping her mouth open as she did so. She then breathed heavily on the poor person who happened to sit next to her and spat on his face as she answered the teacher's question: "Why do you think some of the monsters that Odysseus encounters are women?"

A keen, intelligent student raised his hand. Katie rolled her eyes and spat on the poor kid next to her: "Well, clearly" she coughed loudly into the boy's ear "it's because women are just more, well, if they are anything like me, perfect". Everyone looked around confused, wondering whether they'll ever be able to speak in the seminar. Katie, oblivious, just rolled her eyes again. At that point she was hit by a disgusting scent of what she considered ignorance, but was actually just soap and modesty. Her mind then drifted elsewhere, to a faraway land, a land in which she had yet to display her unmatched qualities to foreigners. It was within this month that she had to choose her destination for next year. She didn't want to limit her options, as she assumed that every university in that country would want someone like herself anyway. In the end, she settled with Montana.

Her mind then drifted to the cabbage society, a society that two vaguely familiar, irrelevant girls had created to tackle the really important, hard hitting questions of university life: why do we only wash twice a week? Why do we eat the same shitty food every week, and then lament ourselves as we are fat?

She found the questions quite fascinating and was compelled to join the society in order to voice her highly- acclaimed opinion on these subjects. At the end of the seminar, she slobbered over to the two irrelevant girls and said that she required to become a member of the society. But she didn't stop there, and she didn't even let them answer as she carried out a fierce, one- sided discourse pointing out the need for a mascot.

Bewildered, the two irrelevant girls looked at her leggings and realised that she was right. And not only that, they realised that she was the perfect candidate to be the mascot for the cabbage society, if only she wore a green t-shirt.

And with the arrogance that only a very rare breed of human being possesses, Katy answered: "Yeah, well, of course I'm perfect for everything". She was so eager to start her work as a mascot that she immediately distributed leaflets to everyone she aggressively approached in the forum. They all looked at her and laughed, but she wondered why everyone was laughing at themselves. She just rolled her eyes and kept going. Her outfit, which she thought accentuated her curves that she doesn't have, actually, just made her look like a green rectangle.

After one of the cabbage society meetings, she approached the two irrelevant girls and, breathing hot air on them, she asked: "Well, where are you guys going next year? Like, in America?" The two irrelevant girls mumbled that they weren't sure, to which Katie said "Yeah, I'm going to Montana, and you two should come. Like, carrying on with the society, doing all the bureaucracy I don't want to do. Plus, I could promote myself as a mascot there".

The two girls had had enough. They looked at each other in a puzzled and defeated way. They could not understand how a human being could possibly be so arrogant and selfish. They looked at the mascot with anger, and one of them, the bolder one, spit out the words of someone that really had had enough: "Get lost. Get a life. And get new leggings!"

Bewildered, the two irrelevant girls looked at her leggings and realised that she was right. And not only that, they realised that she was the perfect candidate to be the mascot for the cabbage society, if only she wore a green t-shirt.

And with the arrogance that only a very rare breed of human being possesses, Katy answered: "Yeah, well, of course I'm perfect for everything". She was so eager to start her work as a mascot that she immediately distributed leaflets to everyone she aggressively approached in the forum. They all looked at her and laughed, but she wondered why everyone was laughing at themselves. She just rolled her eyes and kept going. Her outfit, which she thought accentuated her curves that she doesn't have, actually, just made her look like a green rectangle.

After one of the cabbage society meetings, she approached the two irrelevant girls and, breathing hot air on them, she asked: "Well, where are you guys going next year? Like, in America?" The two irrelevant girls mumbled that they weren't sure, to which Katie said "Yeah, I'm going to Montana, and you two should come. Like, carrying on with the society, doing all the bureaucracy I don't want to do. Plus, I could promote myself as a mascot there".

The two girls had had enough. They looked at each other in a puzzled and defeated way. They could not understand how a human being could possibly be so arrogant and selfish. They looked at the mascot with anger, and one of them, the bolder one, spit out the words of someone that really had had enough: "Get lost. Get a life. And get new leggings!"

The two irrelevant girls