ACOTAR One-Shots

Lost (nessian)

Eighteen months had passed and still Cassian was missing. Feyre had promised they'd find him before Starfall, promised he'd be fine. The others had promised so much to Nesta that she wondered why she'd even bothered to believe that this would be the one that would be true.

No. No, she knew why'd she had dared hope Cassian would be safe at home in Velaris by Starfall. Of all the broken promises that had been made to her, she'd wanted to keep the one she'd made to herself. Nesta would tell him, she would tell him everything. What he chose to do after that was up to him, but then at least someone would know. Feyre could only guess and Elain had seemingly recovered from what had happened with the Cauldron years ago. She often wondered if perhaps she'd told Azriel everything.

It didn't really matter now, nothing did. She spent Starfall with the others. Not out of any need to enjoy herself one last time, but instead to stay close in case word came. It hadn't. At least that's what she told herself, she wanted to be close for Cassian not for them. In her heart, Nesta knew she wanted to be close for them. So many last times to think of and it was easier to just let them all be together for it.

Now, she was standing on the bridge over the Sidra, the sun just breaching the horizon. The festivities had ended not long ago, but the city was quiet with sleep. The City of Starlight was clearly not one for sunrises. A brisk wind blew over the just-frozen river and ruffled the hem of her skirt a bit.

Nesta took in a deep breath and slipped her hands from her pockets, placing each flatly on the frozen stone bridge. Another breath and she was pushing herself up to sit on the edge. A sudden rush of wind almost pushed her to fall back to the stones, but her hands gripped the sides tightly.

What was it about high places that sent a rush of adrenaline through people - fae even? That sudden need to jump, to fall, to feel? To feel. So long had Nesta not felt anything that now that she did, she was crippled by it. A year and a half of feeling everything and she couldn't take it. Starfall had almost been too much even.

Her fingers started to numb and Nesta took another breath. The sun broke from the horizon and the city let out a silent sigh, relief from the night's festivities. A true ending until the next year, until the next life.

Looking past her skirts and feet to the Sidra below, Nesta felt the urge to jump rise. The ice was white, a dusting of light snow swirling across its surface in a dance with no music. She wasn't fooled however. Beneath the sparkling snow and hard ice was the dark waters of the Sidra. The river hadn't frozen solid so the water would be frigid. Nesta wondered how fast it might freeze back over if the ice did break apart. She supposed it didn't matter either as she pulled up one leg and then the other. As she rose to stand, the wind tried to push her back but she'd made a promise to herself and she would not break it. Not like the others had.

Another gust of wind howled, "No, wait."

A final look at the sun and the sky before she closed her eyes.

"Nesta," the wind called louder now.

She leaned away from Velaris and into the calling wind. She felt gravity pull her forwards, down. She smiled at the relief she felt approaching. Finally, the pain and loneliness would be over. Wherever Cassian was, she could be there too. Maybe he was right, maybe they would find each other in the next life.

"Nesta!"

The wind shouted, but - but was it the wind? It sounded panicked and there was a thundering boom following it. The wind sounded close, it sounded like... like Cassian. Was that him calling from the other side of the ice?

"NESTA!"

Cassian was close, her smile grew. Soon. Soon she would be with him again and she would do it right this time. Another boom, wings? Was he flying to her like she was falling towards him?

WHAM

At first, she thought she'd hit the water. It didn't hurt as much as she thought it might. Then she realized that she didn't feel any colder, in fact warmth was pressing hard against her. And she could breath. And light still shown behind her eyelids. Finally it dawned on her.

The thundering booms, the wind, the sudden warmth. Rhysand. Or maybe Azriel. Feyre had probably been rooting through her head and found her self-made promises deep inside and sent one of the Illyrian bastards to save her. As if she wasn't saving herself already.

She struggled against the arms crushing her and screamed as loud as she could. She pushed away from Rhysand or Azriel as hard she could, kicking out but rarely making contact.

"Nesta," the voice said in relief, "Nesta. Nesta. Nesta."

Cassian.

"Nesta."

She must've died when she hit the ice. Perhaps it was thicker than she'd thought.

"Nesta. Nesta."

She stopped struggling and held tight to him. He had found her in the afterlife. He had come to take her somewhere she never had to feel such loneliness again. Cassian had come to be with her.

"Nesta, I'm here."

Her eyes opened slowly, like perhaps he'd disappear when she saw him again. But no, there he was. Holding her close and staring at her like she was the only thing that mattered. Like she mattered.

"You're here," she said softly and reached a hand up to his face. "You came for me."

"I'll always come for you."

The landing was considerably less graceful than she'd thought it'd be. Cassian stumbled down and to his knees, still holding her close and looking deep into her eyes.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," Nesta said when she noticed the considerable scruff under her fingers. "I wasn't brave enough yet."

"Nesta, I'm here. I've got you, I'll always have you."

"I didn't know what to do when you died. I hoped you were alive all that time but when you weren't at Starfall again, I knew you weren't."

Cassian pulled her closer, like maybe he'd kiss her, "Nesta, I'm here. I'm alive. You're alive."

"Cassian-"

The truth caught up to her then, like the cold air whipping around them. He was alive. She had been about to kill herself and he'd been alive. He had almost watched her kill herself. He - she had...

"Cassian."

It was the only thing she could think to say.

"Nesta, I'm here now. You're okay, I'm here."

He was warm and she was cold, her heavy coat discarded on the bridge. Her fingers dug in to the stained shirt he wore, the same one he'd left in.

"Cassian, I - "

She felt a sudden tug and it was like suddenly she could see the world in color. Even as a fae she'd only ever been seeing the surface of things but it was like a sheer curtain had been pulled away and she could finally see what was on the other side.

Cassian seemed to feel it too. His grip on her loosened then tightened again, his eyes fluttered over her face and a warm hand moved from her back to her neck. He looked unsure at first but Nesta pulled him closer; the space between them pulled them closer to each other. There was a pause, not even half a second before Nesta leaned all the way in and kissed him.

Softly, not hard like she'd thought they would. Gently, like they were only just meeting each other but knew that this was what they were meant to be doing. Softly like the wind around them whispered.

"Cassian, I -"

"I know."

And he did know, because he loved her too.