Pain || jilix

9

I love you Jisung, I really do. The way your eyes sparkle whenever you're happy, the way the whole world lights up whenever you smile. How my name sounds like when it comes out from your sweet lips. I just...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a coward. I'll confess soon, I promise.

Changbin had just broken up with Felix. He was supposed to be sad, heartbroken, devastated but...

Why didn't he feel empty inside?

He just simply acted sad and left. Changbin was probably confused but, he didn't give a damn anymore.

He knew he loved someone else now.

Jisung.

He loved the way the boy acted cute. He loved the way he would always be happy when Jisung was near. He loved his soft hair, his sparkling eyes, his cute laugh. He loved everything about the boy.

It started off with minor things, like late night cuddles and playing with Jisung's fluffy hair when he was bored. Then, he started wanting to hold hands with him more, wanting to be near him. The butterflies in his stomach when Jisung was beside him, and the constant need of protecting the innocent boy.

It started off as a crush, but it turned into love.

Sweet, sweet love.

_

The other members had long since apologised to Jisung, stating out their reasons. Apparantly, they were all scared of how the other members would judge them.

Jisung obviously forgave them. I mean, they were his family.

They were the only family he had.

But the pain, the pain of everything, the pain that he kept to himself, it was still there.

He was happy sometimes, of course.

Like the day Felix confessed.

-

"Jisung, I love you, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you earlier. But I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You're so special, Jisung. You're unique in your own way. I love you so, so much, you can't even imagine."

"Felix...I love you too. I always have."

-

That was the start of their beautiful relationship. They were the ideal couple, always being near each other, being all soft and cuddly..

The other members knew about their relationship. But they really weren't supposed to.

Seungmin walked in on them snogging.

He obviously ran off to tell everyone. I mean, who wouldn't want to know about juicy gossip?

They didn't notice the sadness lash across three members' eyes.

-

Felix loved Jisung with all his heart. He was totally head over heels in love, as you can say. The two of them were inseparable, if Felix decided to move to another continent, Jisung would follow him.

They were always so happy with each other, sometimes everything just felt too good to be true. They would forget each of their problems when the otuer was present, even if it was for a span of a few minutes.

Jisung loved Felix's hugs. He always felt safe in his arms. The scent of the younger was cordial and familar, inviting even. Oh, how much he never wanted Felix to let go.

Felix loved Jisung's clinginess. How he would grab onto his arm and be all pouty if all the attention wasn't on him.

But were they really happy? Was their happiness forced?

Every night Jisung and Felix would lay next to each other, both thinking the same thing, "I'm not good enough for him.."

They tried so hard, pushing themselves to be the very best.

Because they thought the other would leave them for another member.

They were both insecure, one was just more obvious than the other. Felix helped Jisung get better, or at least, he thought he did.

He didn't know that when he wasn't looking, Jisung would hurt himself. Not enough to leave an obvious mark, but enough to teach himself a lesson.

Like burning himself.

He would grab the iron and put it on his hand, taking it off only when it almost got stuck.

It left a huge burn but he easily got away with it. Felix trusted him enough not to press further about the issue. For all he knew, Jisung's depression had been long gone.

If Felix found out, Jisung would lose his trust. He was certain of that.

So he never told anyone that he was hurting. He didn't tell anyone that he desperately needed help.

He didn't know that Felix was suffering too.

He didn't know that the younger australian cried silently by himself at night.

He didn't know anything.

Written on: 14/10/19

Wors count: 756