I took a big step, one that could possibly change my life. For better or for worse...only time can tell.
I contacted my dad for the very first time in years. I was scared and nervous for what he would say. Its one of the hardest things I've ever done. In a way I'm proud of myself for doing it but I'm overthinking everything. Things like...what if he changes his mind and doesnt want anything to do with me, what if I'm gonna screw up his life. When he did text back I felt relief but the anxiety of eveything that could go wrong was still in the back of my mind. He told me that he was hoping to hear from me, and to me that sounded crazy. If he had wanted to hear from me or talk to me he could have always texted first. I dont understand why he didn't. I guess that's another thing to add to the list of questions to ask. Tmrw he wants to call, and I'm so fucking scared. What do I say? What will he say? What does he even sound like....im so lost with all of this and I don't understand how I'm gonna do all of this. We're basically strangers, he has his own life, his own kids and I feel bad for barging in, but there hasn't been a day where I've thought about doing this. I'm happy he wants to talk and get to know me, he'll it lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. One that I had stayed with me for years. I just dont wanna screw this up, dont wanna push him away any farther. And the biggest question I have is, what happens next?
