Thoughts of an ill mind

Drugs

     I love drugs. I adore them, all shapes, color and sizes. They r the most important part of my life. Its strange because its always a person that gives ur life meaning, but for me its the smoke that enters my lungs, the pills swallowed whole, the acid drained from the tab. Its knowing each day ill be able to alter my state of mind. To be alone with my thoughts is torture, self loathing and boredom is  so present there. Drugs ease this, make it bearable, make my thoughts enjoyable. I don't mind myself so much when I'm not sober, it keeps me from worrying about all the stupid insignificant shih in my teenage life. The comedown is hell. I hate being so utterly uplifted jus to come crashing down, straight back to the beginning. Starting from square one. Nd thats when other thoughts consume my mind, like where am i gonna get the money to do more drugs? How long will i have to wait?  Waiting for my next high is the worse feeling i have ever known. Drugs are relief from my cruel mind, knowing this aide is right there yet still out of reach because of my lack of money makes me mad beyond belief. Despite the negatives, i will not lay off drugs for i feel they r a sole reason for my existence. I think i was just meant to do em, my sober state of mind was meant to be altered. I will never stop. I truly do love them. Its the strongest love ive ever felt. I cant bear to part with it.