Oppressed and Exploited

Her

Right from the beginning, I knew that something was wrong, but my intuition was silenced by the hunger for love I had. Later in our relationship, I realised clearly that I was suffering but I wasn't able to identify the source. It was standing next to me and I was calling it love.

I managed to develop a kind of bipolar life. In some dark moments, I was desperate with pain, and in the clear moments, I was able to write a whole page about my boyfriend denouncing how evil he is. Guess what I did with that page later? I threw it out and persuaded myself to forget about it. I guess I could read a whole book on relationships three times and I would never admit that "this applies to me too." Love is blind, the saying goes, and I was blinded by fear.

He assaulted me physically more than once and often he would hold my hand too tightly that it hurt. The worst assault was when he strangled me and pushed towards the wall. I was petrified and tried not to make him more furious. He never apologised for this, and I believed "I deserved it" because I made him angry. He just screamed at me.

Everything I do makes him lose it. What is wrong with me? Constantly he hurts me. Everything's so constant. I always thought it would be a one-off thing but days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Every day is the same old.

I've lost my worth, I no longer know who I am. I belong to him, I'm trapped in the corner and he keeps pushing me down. I can't get up. I need to get up before it's too late.

~Her