Falice Oneshots | Volume 2

The Birds & The Bees

"Dad!" Jellybean calls as she comes storming down the stairs "Alice!"

"In the kitchen." Alice answers as flips through another page of the magazine she's reading.

Jellybean comes waltzing into the room with a wicked grin on her face. "Betty and Jughead are in her room making out on the bed."

Alice and FP share an annoyed glance. "Go sit in there so they'll cut it out." FP tells her.

"I already did that, that's why I'm down here. I asked them if they wanted to watch a movie and they yelled at me so I came down to rat on them." Jellybean explains.

"They yelled at you?" Alice questions.

Jellybean nods. "They hurled a pillow at me too."

Alice sighs and takes off her glasses, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Your father and I need to have a conversation, would you go sit in there, please? I would like to avoid becoming a grandmother again for as long as possible."

"Fine," Jellybean huffs. "But when they kill me I hope you know it's your fault."

"Thank you, JB."

They wait for the girl to walk upstairs before talking. "This is getting out of hand, FP." Alice starts. "I know that they're teenagers and that they're dating, I expect them to be affectionate with one another, and I can accept that. What I can't accept is them secluding themselves in her bedroom every damn day. I shudder to think about what they get up to after we go to bed."

"We need to enforce stricter rules." FP decides.

"We've tried that FP, we told them they have to leave the door open while alone in her room, even that doesn't stop them from groping each other. And now they're throwing things at an eleven year old? This is completely unacceptable."

"What can we do, babe? They don't listen."

"We're going to make them listen." Alice says, standing up from her seat and extending her hand to FP. "Come on, honey."

He follows her upstairs and they find Jellybean sitting against Betty's closed bedroom door. "Sweetheart, what are you doing?" Alice questions the girl.

"They locked the door so I can't get in."

"You're kidding." Alice scoffs.

"Don't worry I'm still keeping them company," she raises her voice. "You two love hanging out with me, don't you?"

"Shut it, JB!" The teens yell.

"Not acceptable." FP scolds them, watching as Alice disappears from his side.

Alice comes back with a bobby pin in hand. "Close your eyes." She warns before picking the lock. She shoves the door open with her hand over her eyes. "You two have one minute to get redressed."

"We're dressed, mom. We weren't doing anything."

Alice and FP uncover their eyes and look at their clearly flustered children. "I beg to differ."

"Jellybean told us you were up here making out." FP explains.

"So?" Jughead shrugs. "We were making out, what's the big deal?"

"The big deal is-" Alice cuts her own sentence short. "Straighten yourselves and meet us in the dining room."

She takes FP's hand in hers as she storms downstairs.