As I fall into an infinite pit of irrationality. My straight and narrow path is long gone. It's as if I am standing there waving saying, "bye rationality, I see your going now. How nice it was to almost meet you." I dream and long for numbness. I recall being numb in the past. It isn't what I really want, fuck the numbness. Yet it is what I want.. My mind is conflicted, it's torn apart, always moving and changing. I plead out "please mind, give me peace! Can you please let me rest?" The desires i put on fire, the embrace I reject, I love and hate simultaneously. Past and present experiences rush in my head as my beloved and trouble mind try to sort through it all. It's doing its best to get control. To grasp the folly. To take back its power and behavior. How can I get it to stop? All these emotions are like flying music notes, just out of my reach... yet I feel them throughout every bone in my body. I want to kiss, bliss. I want to fuck, need, scream, live to the fullest. Die of kindness. I want to let you in, and turn around just to shut you back out. "go away I yell" this has to be hell! How can I compel my mind to just STOP? I rise once more, yet another time I fall. It's unbearable being able to crumble. I just want it to stop.
