i remember the days of kindergarten
the smell of art supplies
random toys strewn about
the constant squealing of children,
and you.
for some reason, everyone loved you
everyone fought to sit next to you at lunch
everyone wanted to do what you said
and i wanted to be like you.
i sought your approval for everything
i became another one of your admirers
but you were always subtly mean to everyone
you never shared
you always had to have things your way
you made everyone hate anyone who crossed you
i never noticed it then
but looking back
you were not someone i wanted to be
and yet i wanted to be you anyway
because everyone else adored you.
and a few years after kindergarten,
i saw you again
and i could tell you expected me to worship you
but i didn't.
i just smiled awkwardly
and you stood there
waiting.
you looked so confused,
that i didn't adore you anymore
but it made sense in my mind
because i finally grew up.
and maybe you were still stuck in kindergarten
the days where everyone worshipped you
but i grew up.
i found a piece of who i was
and i no longer needed you to fill that hole.
maybe one day
if i ever see you again
i'll explain it to you
i'll look into your eyes,
and i'll say
"we're not in kindergarten anymore."
~clar ❤
